i Quit the Carnival

Alone

2011-10-16T15:32:00.003+01:00

As a toddler I remember hating being alone. My parents probably remember this clearly as I used to sneak into their bed at night, leaving them bruised and sore from my rolling and kicking. Growing up, I would constantly run into my brother's room where the AC would be running, 'Bone Thugs & Harmony' or 'DC Talk' would be blaring, and my brother would be pounding away on his Sega Genesis. As a kid this was always comforting. Having someone in the same room, filling up space and creating a ruckus meant the silent unknown was less formidable and less inclined to wrap its tentacles around me. As a kid, my imagination was much more frightening than the mundane. I wasn't a coward, I wasn't always afraid -- then and now, being alone is only a problem when I'm hit with the sudden realization that there is no one else with me and if anything bad happens to me or pounces on me, there wouldn't be anyone to come to my rescue.

As an adult I'm not gripped with the same fear as I was when I was younger. But the realization of being alone gives me the same irrational hopelessness, and longing for something to run home to. I'm in a very quiet house where the only noise comes from the whirling of the fan, the beats and tunes from my stereo, and the engine of cars that drive 17 floors below me. These are empty sounds. The first thing I noticed when my parents left for the States at 3am was the lack of chattering in the morning that usually wakes me up. The second thing I noticed was the eerily quiet living room where the radio would usually be tuned to a senti- or classical music station. I guess these are the things I miss most right now. Noise doesn't fill a room, it just creates an atmosphere. And the atmosphere my parents created is gone. I guess this is the reason why I'm hit with the realization that I'm alone.

Home

2011-09-30T12:43:00.002+01:00

A month and a half ago my parents retired from the mission field and returned to the Philippines. God blessed my father with a very generous brother who let my parents and I stay in his very recently finished condo unit. Last night, over dinner, I mentioned to my parents that I've lived in eight different houses my entire life (with a minimum duration of one year). And although I was aware of how often I've moved, it surprised me that eight houses equates to one house every three years. I said this statement out loud, and my mom looked concerned and tried to reassure me that it was part of their job and since we were renting and returning to the Philippines every four years, we didn't have much choice. You can tell from her change in tone that she was worried I may have psychological issues as an effect of our bouncing around, but honestly I love moving. I love getting up and moving to a new location, and developing a new relationship with a different part of the city, just as long as the people I see everyday don't change (it also helps that for the most part, every house I've lived in has been an upgrade from the last house). And right now, I think I've reached the apex of my house hunting career. The condo I live in is one of the nicest condos in the Philippines -- and if I wasn't such a well-mannered individual I'd probably rub it in everyone's face. (muahahah) But in two years, I may have to move out again, and really I'm fine with that. I look forward to it really, because I know that a new house means a new and unique experience that'll force me to adjust. I look forward to cleansing myself of useless junk that I've accumulated over the years and living off the bare necessities all over again. I get mildly uncomfortable visiting old houses that have not gone through major renovation in a long time, or seeing the accumulation of stuff that are plopped in a corner pretending to be decoration but really don't serve any real purpose at all. I'm a minimalist, that's one you know should know about me. I'm not here to bash sentimental people, I'm just stating my preference. I'm the type of guy who could live in a model home and be totally cool with it.

You can tell I haven't blogged in a while because this post at no direction. Hope you don't mind. I'm trying to get back into blogging, so give me some time.

Recap

2011-08-14T14:43:00.002+01:00

A week ago I was admitted to St. Luke's hospital for Dengue. My platelet count dropped to 87,000 while the normal platelet level is between 150,000 and 450,000. If it's too low, excessive bleeding can occur. Fortunately, by Wednesday my platelet count went up to 118,000 and the doctor discharged me. Well, here are a few blessings during this past week:

My brother arrived in the Phil. for a vacation on Aug. 2 and left Aug 11. I was sick from Aug. 1 to Aug. 10. (I kind of feel bad about that -- sorry bro if I wrecked your sched with my untimely illness)
My company's health insurance was actually pending when I was being admitted to the hospital, but they must've rushed the application because I didn't pay anything when I left
People from church helped me get my PhilHealth (national health insurance) papers signed at the office proving that I did make PhilHealth contributions for six months (even though I actually only made five contributions. heehee)
The HR person at my office pretty much walked me through the requirements I needed for billing
My aunt and uncle came on day 1 and made sure I got a room and that I was comfortable (It's really encouraging to have people around, especially if it's your first time to be confined at the hospital)
A loooot of visitors which is nice to have especially when you're stuck in a room day after day. We really were made to be social people
Some people from Church helped with my check out, so I had a ride home from the hospital

Anyways, thanks everyone for being so caring and for all your prayers and support. I really appreciate the community I have around me.

[Note, I didn't check the grammar before I pressed Publish Post... Bad habit of mine]

Wet Season

2011-06-25T04:33:00.001+01:00

Note: I wrote the following yesterday, June 24, 2011, before my internet got cut off.

Waking up at 4AM to the sound of violent rain is dreadful. Not only do memories flood back of typhoon Ondoy, which some people are reliving at this moment, but the rain is also a portent of ruined plans. That's what I thought as I got online to check if 80 percent of Metro Manila was, again, flooded. I was met with headlines stating "Flash floods swamp Metro," and later in the day "'Falcon' affects over 100,000 persons in Metro Manila, parts of Luzon."

You can read about the tropical storm "Falcon" on news sites like Inquirer.net or ABS-CBNnews.com/ANC, but I also want to state what was going through my mind this morning. I hope the Taiwan consulate is open. I knew that if Falcon was anything like Ondoy, my chances of securing a visa to Taiwan in time for a Wednesday departure would disappear, and I had made up my mind that leaving after Wednesday was both too expensive and too short a trip. I set the condition: if I was able to apply for a visa and book a ticket that morning, then I would go; if false, then I would cancel my trip. Recalling my thought process this morning is embarrassing because I was so decisive.

You should know something about me, I'm very pessimistic. I was so unsure my plans would push through because there were so many things that could go wrong. What if I can't print the documents? What if I don't have enough money? So many what if's... And it doesn't help that my mom and I planned the trip the day before.

When I think about the future, I think of all the hurdles I may face, all the problems I may encounter, and all the failures I may have to endure. This doesn't only apply to my trip to Taiwan, but to life in general. As a relatively fresh graduate, I still find financial independence to be daunting. As a guy who's never been in a long and serious relationship, marriage seems like a foreign concept. And raising kids? That's another life. I don't have the maturity for that. I'm not financially stable. I can't even pay for my own rent. Tomorrow one of my high school friends is getting married. We talked about it once. We briefly exchanged words about growing up and what it means to be living by our own hands, so-to-speak. From my vantage point, it looks impossible. I cant even tell how I made it this far. God's grace, I'm sure. But more and more I realize, life is a relentless storm: possessions will be swept away, valuables will submerge in the floods, lives will be lost.

But fortunately, today, I was able to apply for my visa and I was able to book a flight to Taipei. I'm weathering the storm so far, and the future looks promising. In a week's time I'll be in Taiwan. I pray that everything works out.

To Do List - June 13, 2011

2011-06-12T12:33:00.002+01:00

1. Watch Lebron beat down Dallas in Game 6 of the NBA Finals.
2. Renew my NBI Clearance at Victory Mall, Monumento
3. Make my home presentable for CI (which I presume means cottage inspection)
4. Blog about unemployment or about my siblings.
5. Buy garlic.
6. Prepare for Tuesday's small group.
7. Read 100 pages of Game of Thrones.

New beginnings

2011-05-22T10:33:00.002+01:00

My computer froze on Thursday. When I tried to restart the computer, it refused to boot up and I was met with an error screen that told me my computer registry cannot be found. Fortunately, I received some advice from a friend this morning who told me how to reformat my computer without needing to run anything from the hard drive.

So I have a fresh start.

I bought this computer in June 2008. It's an Asus M51 with a 2.10Ghz processor, 2GB of RAM, working on a 32-bit Operating System. It's not bad. It's comparable with computers you can buy now.

But when I reformatted my computer, I was given a lot of choices with what I could do with it: new desktop background, freshly labeled folders, and so much space. I have 207GB of free memory! But one of the most important thing that defines a personalized computer is the programs I install. So here's a list of computer program essentials in order of importance:

1. Google Chrome - an uncluttered, and fully customizable browser that makes surfing the web seamless
2. iTunes - for my iPod. So far no music, only podcasts
3. Skype - haven't downloaded it yet, but my family will be mad at me if I don't install it
4. VLC Media Player - for movies
5. AVG Anti-virus - everyone needs an antivirus (I'm not using one right now actually). I would've said Avast, but last time I installed it my computer crashed.

That's all for now. I'll see what else I need when the time comes.

Christianity in my life

2011-04-18T16:15:00.003+01:00

As with anywhere on earth, there are many stereotypes we attribute to different groups, some are justifiable, others are ridiculous. But one that I'm really intrigued by is the perception of Protestants/Born Again/Evangelical Christians here in the Philippines. I remember having a conversation with a friend at a school party. It was held at a club and it was about AIDs awareness, so they gave away condoms and served alcohol. I told my friend that I don't drink (due to my upbringing and partly because I attend a very conservative Church). And her reply was, "Christians are such good people. You guy don't drink or smoke. G. is a Christian too, right? She's such a nice person. So much better than her friends."

At first I attributed this to the Church that G. and I attend: An uber-conservative Chinese Church that doesn't condone dancing, let alone drinking. I thought to myself, I hope you know that not all Christians are "good."

Then earlier at work I was chatting with a coworker and she started talking about her ex-boyfriend. "He's a Christian, just like you. He's super nice. [Why aren't you nice like him?]" And again, she attributed Protestants with being genuinely nice. And when I thought about it, she had a lot of reasons to believe that. There are other Christians at my work place and they're the kindest people you'll ever meet. They treat people as people want to be treated, with respect. They don't say mean or hurtful things, but instead show kindness.

Almost every serious Christian I know has a very kind heart, whether it's demonstrated through generosity or service or words of encouragement, it makes spotting Christians in the secular world really easy. Didn't Jesus say, "By their fruit you will recognize them."

At church I always ask myself, how can I be a Christian at work? There's no obvious answer, but for me, you just have to be different. The world will spot you by your behavior. Sure you can aggressively share the gospel in 20 minutes (which I've been trained to do), but so far the only people it's attracted are the people who are already Christians. I've talked to non-Christians and they've said it's a turn off.

"Christians are so pushy and forceful. They always say, 'if you don't become a Christian now you're going to hell.' What right do they have to say that to me? I'm not that bad. I don't think God will hate me for my small sins."

Another person said something like, "I'm okay with Christians, but I don't like it when they force their religion on you."

I don't mean to bash certain organizations that evangelize like this. Sometimes it works and people are saved and it's great. Sometimes it drives a whole other stereotype about Protestants and I don't like it. And what's painful is that I am pressured by these people, and they say that I'm not doing the Great Commission because I'm not taking every opportunity. And it hurts when I hear Jesus say that "every tree that does not produce good fruit will be cut down and thrown into the fire."

At the same time, I don't think Christianity should be cheaply marketed. I hate it when random people approach me telling me about some great deal that I can avail of, or some NGO that I contribute to. And in the same way, I kind of feel that way about religion -- I don't want to be trapped into hearing the Good News. I don't want to be cornered by a fanatic. I don't want to buy something that I don't feel I need.

And I feel terrible for thinking this way because I know Christians who truly believe in a 20-minute gospel presentation. Is that the labor God wants from us? Or is it being stereotypically nice? Are we supposed to seize every opportunity? Or do we wait for the perfect time? And the question I struggle with most, are we any better for choosing one side over the other?

Two Stories

2011-04-13T01:08:00.002+01:00

I have to write out these two stories before I forget them.

1) Aha!

I have a remarkable ability at not remembering dreams. Dreams, for me, are as slippery as an ice rink in tropical countries (I was supposed to say 'as slippery as a greased pic' which actually makes sense, but is not relevant to Philippine life). Once I wake up in the morning, everything that happened that night is wiped away, like the morning after heavy drinkng(still not relevant). I need to stop with these similes. Anyway, yesterday I had a dream, but forgot it when I woke up. I knew the dream was interesting, but wasn't sure why. I wanted to be bummed out, but it's hard to be bummed out about something that you can't remember.

Skip to me commuting to work that morning. The MRT is croweded every morning, starting from 6:50 onward. We're crammed inside like sardines (relevant) and every now and then you bump into someone intentionally. Someone bumped that morning: a guy gave me an uppercut, caught me in the jaw. All of a sudden my dream came back to me. The guy was apologetic, but he must've been weirded out by my broad grin (exaggerating). His soft and unintentional punch helped me remember my dream, which was of me getting into a fight, getting a swollen, black eye.

That's all I remember, actually. I need to get hit again to remember the rest of it.

2) Elevator

I barely caught the elevator this morning. Again, I'm crowded around people heading to work. I press the button for 15, and then hear a guy behind me comment, "Gee, every floor is pressed except for 9 and 10." And I kid you not, I almost pressed 9 and 10. If it was anyone I know, if the people around me weren't strangers, I would have done it. The only thing that prevented me from making everyone have no wait for floors 9 and 10 was my superego. It also helped that I didn't see the person behind me.

Gosh, I'm immature.

Teaming-up

2011-04-05T16:39:00.003+01:00

Can you say that I'm partly responsible for something I had no control over? something that was unpredictable? Sure, you can argue that we were collectively responsible for making R. cry, but who knew that would happen? We tease one another a lot, it was the starting point of our group, the foundation that we built our relationship on. Jokes are something to laugh about, not something to take personally. Thus it perplexes me why R. would unravel emotionally when we said she became meaner after the second days of work. Well, sure that was a mean thing to say -- but the truth is everyone became mean and she was the nicest one of us all. She was tempered, religious, innocent . . . That's probably the reason she took it so hard. She got it into her head that we as a group secretly furbished a terrible reputation for her. She believed that our jokes were no longer jokes but discreet cries for R. to stop being such a bully. And that's why she broke. That's why she cried. And that's why I filled her mug with strawberry flavored hi-chew. Get well dear.

#humblebrag

2011-03-25T15:25:00.006Z

What irritates me most is when I see my own faults in other people.

Use your imagination and picture Exhibit A. A person who whines a lot. (that was easy, right?)

This evening I talked to someone who's a replicate of me. (Exhibit B. Picture a college kid who looks up to me and wants to be like me) But during our conversation college boy said some insensitive things that a good listener would find offensive, and I rebuked him. We had a long conversation about his life, priorities, etc. Afterwards, some people who were listening said it looked like I was the guy's "advisor" and I had been "exalted." I'm not saying this to make myself look good. On the contrary, I'm mentioning it because of how opposite it actually is.

This kid was becoming me. [Almost] Every point he made that angered me was a reflection of how I live my life. [Almost] Everything that I reprimanded him on was something I am guilty of myself. I'm already kicking myself half an hour after the conversation, because I feel like a hypocrite.

Kids, don't be like me. Don't be obnoxious and full of yourself like me. If you think I'm having fun parading my talents and charm around the ladies... well, believe me, it's all a joke. Be someone with substance. Make sure your priorities are right. Be respectable. And don't ask me to make you a watermark.

sigh

2011-02-23T08:52:00.003Z

Lifted from http://globalnation.inquirer.net/news/breakingnews/view/20110223-321792/Aquino-No-need-for-apology-to-Taiwan

With regards to the tension between Taiwan and the Philippines at this moment, here’s what President Aquino said:

But should Taiwan make good on its threat to freeze the hiring of Filipino workers, Aquino said: "We can look for other places for deployment. There are other territories for instance that have signified desire to hire OFWs. At the same time if we can provide jobs here, why not?'' Manila's economic and cultural office in Taipei will pursue efforts to resolve the deportation row, he added.

Um… Sir, that’s not optimism, that’s irresponsibility. You’re talking about people’s livelihoods; uprooting them from one culture and placing them on a foreign land. Why do Filipino citizens in Taiwan have to suffer for the government’s negligence? And why can’t we admit to erring? And how come we’re not addressing the president as President Aquino?

Learnings

2011-02-14T08:48:00.002Z

I once heard someone say you only retain 20 percent of what you learn in school. Of course I tried to verify this on Google but came up empty, so either the percentage is off or I ate up a whole lot of farce and am spreading it around like the flu or like spam. Anyway, it seems the 20 percent that I remember is actually quite trivial. For example, one of the few things I remember from counseling class (there must have been a better name for that; I’m sure it gives the impression that we were all deviants, but that’s not the case) was a piece of advice about drying our hands. “I had a professor in college, but I don’t remember a single thing I learned in that class except for this: after you wash your hands, only use one paper towel to dry your hands off.” (not verbatim) Of course this is the only thing from that class that sticks with me. But it’s especially hard for me because I have big hands, and whenever I dry them off I’m reminded of this lesson and I limit myself to one paper towel, and it’s not enough. My hands are still wet when I exit the rest room. Thus I have to comfort myself by pretending that I’m saving the planet (while at the same time, I aggregate thousands of kilograms of garbage… from packaging… small exaggeration).

What I’m really trying to drive at is another nugget of information that I’ve retained over the years. This one is from health class, and it’s equally as trivial. The lesson, “get your vitamins from food, not from pills.” Not verbatim as well, and maybe not as trivial… But recently, this has been killing me. Recently I reflected on my diet and I was shocked by how little vegetables and fruit I consume on a daily basis. If my diet was the food pyramid, it’d be the cheddar cheese pyramid with chunks missing. I don’t get enough vitamins! I’m trying to think of ways to remedy this, and so far it’s either pills or cereal (which claims to pack over 11 vitamins and minerals)… and of course to eat more vegetables, but who wants to do that? This only came to mind because I got sick two weeks ago and I was told to take vitamin C. They didn’t say, “eat more oranges or strawberries,” they said something to the effect of, “swallow those pills!” But you know what, I say “Give me oranges! Give me strawberries!”

But fruit in the Philippines is expensive. So I’ve compromised. I found the middle ground. I found a way to help both the manufacturer and the farmer: manufactured apple cider. Contains 100 percent of my daily values based on a 2,000 calorie diet (whatever that means). Ahh… it feels good contributing to the world.

Filipino Chinese Guys

2011-02-05T14:10:00.004Z

I don't like Filipino Chinese Guys.

I was at a welcome-back party earlier and the demographic was 80% Filipino Chinese males; 15% Filipino Chinese females; and 5% Filipino males. Of course I'm approximating these percentages, I'm still not well enough to do anything like counting. But to get to the point, there was something about the FCG's that bothered me. I don't know whether it was the clean cut and gelled hair they all had, or the muscular build they all seemed to possess, or that their skin was paler than the average Filipino, or that they're aristocratic in their behavior... Wait... this sounds familiar.

Let me rephrase my first statement. I don't like Twilight Vampires.

(Okay, that joke was two years too late. Shame on me)

Weekend

2011-02-04T11:37:00.001Z

The first thing I'm going to do this weekend: Buy soup and chicken broth... the manufactured kind. I don't think I'm well enough to slaughter chicken.

Flu

2011-02-02T15:29:00.003Z

I feel warm for the first time in two weeks.

I hate being sick. Symptoms of the flu include sore throat, fever, headache, muscle ache and soreness, and cough. I had all those and the a few that weren't mentioned including a heightened sense of smell and an inability to get warm. You'd think a heightened sense of smell would make you feel more like a super hero (say... like Daredevil) or pregnant, but with great powers comes whole lot of suckiness. When I leave the house all I smell is car fumes. I'd comment further, but the only thing that comes to mind is "I HATE IT! I HATE IT!" It's disgusting. It makes me want to move to the mountains.

So yeah, I feel warm for the first time in two weeks. I guess that's one of my biggest reliefs. I'd wear three layers to sleep and still wouldn't feel warm. It's numbing really, when all you feel is cold. I'm so glad I'm better.

I also hate sore throats (which is what I started with). It kills me that I'm not allowed to drink things I crave for. No soy milk, orange juice, pineapple juice, juice juice... sigh

Thursday

2010-11-25T09:54:00.003Z

Two things happened today. Fire and a phone call. Unrelated, by the way.

I was making pancakes this morning when I noticed an unusual amount of noise coming from the streets. I went outside when I heard sirens to see what the ruckus was all about. There was a fire across the street. A huge pillar of smoke (what I’d imagine the column of fire to look like from the Moses’ time) was coming from behind the building, and from my house I could feel the emanating heat. Firemen were climbing up ladders with their hoses to get a better view of the fire. People were gathering outside my house to get a better view.

They eventually put out the fire, but the smoke had cooled down and blanketed our compound. We closed the windows and filtered our mouths with our shirts. Then the power went out.

This afternoon I got a phone call from IBM. They weren’t offering me a position, but were notifying me of a phone interview with an account manager on Monday. I informed them that I signed with another company, and they said to call them back if anything happens because that was supposed to be the final interview.

I don't regret my decision (yet. I know I’ll regret it every morning when I fight through traffic), but I still wonder if I made the right decision. Everyone I talked to said to take the research job, but IBM just seemed so much more convenient and friendlier. And in the pro/con list I made, I gave the most importance to the job description, when really I don’t really care what I do. But I assure you, I’m confident I made the right decision.

It’s strange. I’ve been stressed out about this job thing for the last month. I anxiously wait for phone calls and have long conversations with people about my possible future. I lose sleep at night and lose my appetite. People try to reassure me that God will take care of me, and that I shouldn’t worry about the future. But then days like this happen, where a calamity strikes. Not to me, but to those around me. A sister, or parent will pass away, or a fire will erupt across your street. The aftermath is horrendous. I walked outside when it was all over, and saw people with what’s left of their possessions straddling the side of the road, wiping away their tears.

I don’t know what conclusion I’m trying to end at. Everything I want to say seems shallow and self-centered compared to what I witnessed earlier. My problems, my worries are temporary. I had two jobs lined up in front of me and I’m losing sleep over it, while there will be people tonight who won’t even have a place to sleep. Sigh

Conclusion

2010-11-20T15:54:00.001Z

Apparently in my last blog post my ratings were off. An overwhelming majority of the people I talk to have ISS over IBM. I just hope I'm offered the job. And I hope my body clock can adjust to waking up at 6AM every morning.

ISS or IBM?

2010-11-20T01:03:00.009Z

Hypothetically, if I was accepted to both ISS and IBM, which one would I choose?

When I was in high school Mr. Moore lectured about decision making and about the process of enumerating pros and cons. In college we learned to make decisions by quantifying those pros and cons and assigning a weight to each. (Proximity may weigh more heavily in person A's eyes than in person B's.) Let me start over. We each have something we look for in a job. It could be the salary, the prestige, or even the benefits. These are your desires and you assign a value to each according to their importance. We have options, for me it's ISS and IBM. Now we rate the likelihood that my desires will be met if I chose company A over company B. Here's what it looks like.

Simply put, ISS is more prestigious, the work is more challenging, and it won't disrupt with my normal schedule. IBM on the other hand is closer, and I won't have to deal with rush hour. It looks like ISS outweighs IBM. Oh wait, I forgot to include that ISS is a temp job that does not guarantee I'll be regularized.

doh....

Judging

2010-11-18T17:10:00.002Z

I'm wondering what I'm allowed to post on this blog and what should be kept private.

It disturbs me when people say I'm a good person. Or that Christians/Protestants are all good people. I have a friend who doesn't share the same value of sobriety as me. Whereas my values come from my family and my involvement at church, his lack of value for sobriety stems from his value for socializing. Though you may think that one value outweighs the other, you have to account for other circumstances because it can also relate to other areas of your life. For instance, I'm not a sociable guy and I don't have that many close friends, but my friend influences the lives of his friends for the better because of his gift and his value in getting along and meeting new people. Who's to say he's not the better man for the good he's responsible for? No one is perfect and no one is good. It disturbs me when we discriminate amongst ourselves and become judges with evil thoughts.

Ebooks

2010-11-18T06:28:00.002Z

When I had my interview with the ebook publishing company they told me some information about the conversion process. For classics they scan the book then with a conversion tool convert the text into editable letters. The process is 99% accurate, translated be 5 errors every 20 pages (approximately). The company checks for errors to push the accuracy rate to 99.5%, or 1 error for every 20 pages (approximately). They don't check every page, they check random pages because there are hundreds of books, each with a hundred different pages. If you take a random sample, you should get an accuracy figure which you can base your quality on.

I'm reading the book Shades of Grey by Jasper Fforde and I've come across a bunch of dumb errors. The main one I found is the collapsing of words, so instead of "all hope of believability was gone forever," it reads as "all hope of believabilitywasgone forever." Another error I found, which was obviously from the conversion program is the use of "ex- cited" instead of "excited." You can tell that the word was broken to fit the next line.

I could've been doing this for a living.

Gogogo

2010-11-16T14:17:00.002Z

I didn't blog yesterday because I had supper at my Tito and Tita's house. When I got home my internet wasn't working so I wasn't able to blog.

A Canadian missionary named Trent came along and we bought an ice cream cake from Trinoma. And then we made the terrible decision of taking a cab to Project 4. It was a bad decision because we had a bad driver that claimed he didn't know his way around Project 4. We had to direct him on which way to go. We end up taking terribly long routes and making U-turns, and it was just a bad experience. I don't like taxing around Manila. It's no fun.

Basketball League

2010-11-14T14:24:00.002Z

I don't like playing basketball. I'm usually placed at center because of my height and my reach. I don't mind this position because I don't have to guard anyone aggressively, instead all I have to do is stand in the paint and throw my hands straight up. Unfortunately this is there position where guy charge at you. So by the end of the game you have a layer of other people's sweat on you, and a number of bruises on your abdomen. But apparently, I'm good at this. I just have to make sure I don't move my hands a lot or else I'll foul out like I did in my first game.

Today we had our fourth match. Black vs Red. Both undefeated teams. But we were at a major disadvantage. The day before the game we found out that half our team couldn't make it to the game. We were playing with six players to our opponent's seven. This meant that four of us couldn't take a breather. It also meant we couldn't foul out.

The opposing team was very aggressive at first, crashing the rim whenever a shot went up. My height is my only advantage, my weight my biggest disadvantage. These guys were pushing me around like a doll. I couldn't box out and couldn't grab the rebounds. Fortunately, since they didn't have that many substitutes themselves they had to slow down their pacing to maintain their energy. By half time we were up by 1.

In the second half we lost our lead early on. They got inside the paint for made their shots. But then my team picked up our pace and scored easy points on fast breaks. We were up by 15 points. But we got into foul trouble. They closed the gap when they started pressuring us full court. Soon the lead shrunk to 3 points. But time was running out. Our strategy was to run down the clock, pick up fouls, and extend our lead at the free throw line. No fouls.

The game ended with the Black team victorious: 87-83. We are still undefeated.

Birthdays

2010-11-13T16:45:00.002Z

I just came from a birthday party. Another of my young friend's debut. I was talking to my friend about how strange it is that the birthday celebrant was only turning 18 now, when I had the impression that person was already 19 going on 20. She's in her second year of college and to me she acts older than her age.

I reasoned that this only seemed strange since I grew up in an American school where high school seniors graduate at 18. In the Philippines we lack the middle school years 7 and 8, so high school grads are 16 or 17 when they enter college. I am generally older than most of my peers. You will find a handful of college grads at the young age of 19.

I'm just relieve that I wasn't asked to dance with the birthday celebrant. I'm getting too old for this.

Ta-da

2010-11-13T16:41:00.001Z

Cheers to blogging.

Interview #3

2010-11-12T15:32:00.001Z

I just came from the supposedly last job interview. After this you're either in or out. I'm confused about how the process is, it seems to me they pick one individual for one position and expect them to pass the exam and the interviews. I don't think they turn anyone down. Everyone I know who has applied there has been accepted. So I'm thinking I might not even be competing against anyone for this position. Hurray?

The job interview was at UP-techno hub, on congressional, across from the UP campus. It's one jeepney ride away from my house and it takes around 25 minutes to commute there. This is excellent. The IBM building is next to a mini-outdoor mall, but it's not as lively as Eastwood at night. The actual building seems non-spectacular but decent enough. It's a new building, built within the last four years. So the actual interview...

I was supposed to be interviewed by a M. Go, but he never showed up. I arrived 10 minutes early and had to wait nearly 25 minutes before a replacement came and did the interview with me. His name is J.A. and I kept thinking it was A.J. This seemed like the most laid back interview I've had so far (largely due to JA's candid manner). He pretty much asked me about myself and went through my resume -- but he stayed away from the question "tell me about a time when you got stressed out, then tell me how you dealt with it." What he did instead is ask about my perception about the company, what my job expectation were, where I see myself in 5 years, relatively easy questions. He told me what the position entails: processing payroll for 19,000 employees in the states. He warned me that it's very technical and I might not enjoy it since I seem more like a creative person (he actually compared himself to me -- business management student out of default who has a creative side). So generally, it went really well. He's going to send in his evaluation and hopefully I'll hear back from the company by Tuesday. Yayyy

Food

2010-11-11T09:16:00.003Z

Yesterday I realized that I had leftover chicken in my fridge. This got me very excited because I have been too lazy to cook and it meant I could postpone my going to the grocery store to buy more raw chicken. Let me take a step back and say that I consider food to be a luxury, in that I feel like I don't have to eat well every meal, but instead food is just a necessity in life. Very much like breathing or laughing or dancing in place. I eat anything. Um... I know how I want to end this but it seems like I have no where to go, so I'm just going to end this now. I found out that my leftover chicken had molded. Now I have a ton of rice that I don't know what to do with. Sigh. Sorry for the short post. The End

Groceries

2010-11-10T08:30:00.002Z

In high school I enrolled in a food management class. The class was so serious that we had our own text book. It was not so serious in that we watched episodes of Emeril on block days. I remember one lesson we learned during our first session -- you should eat before you go buy groceries. I did this today when I was at the grocery store. I had a gift cheque worth 500 pesos and I decided to spend it on groceries (is this a sign of growing up?). I walked through the aisles but after eating I had no appetite, making me impervious to the drawing powers of food. For the first five minutes or so I was stumped. The only thing in my basket was bananas. I explored the whole area before I eventually got around to buying cereal (something I took for granted in Taiwan -- its so expensive here!) and a bunch of non-food items, like soap. When I arrived at the check out counter, I had money to spare so I grabbed a snickers bar. My bill registered 500.95php. I like gift cheques.

Bible

2010-11-09T13:36:00.002Z

I really don't want to write anything at the moment.

I've been trying to memorize the book of James for the past week. I've got the first chapter and half of chapter two down. I take a paragraph a day because it takes effort remembering the verses from the previous day.

I just want to say two things. First, memorizing scripture is amazing. I haven't regularly memorize scripture since high school Bible class, and now I'm beginning to realize how helpful it is to my spiritual sustenance. When I'm put in a situation that requires a decision to be made the verse "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God who gives generously to all, without finding fault, and it will be given to him." (I double checked on BibleGateway if I got the passage correct and they actually have it wrong. They use "you" instead of "him," possibly to be more politically correct.) If I find myself facing a difficult situation I think of "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life which God has promised to those who love Him." At Church I think of "Do not merely listen to the word, do what it says . . . the one who looks intently into the perfect law which bring freedom, and continues to do so, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it, he will be blessed in what he does." I need to work on punctuation.

But when you do this, when you memorize scripture like James, you realize how impossible it is to live the Christian life. I just memorize this tonight "But if you show favoritism you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers. For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking them all." Then in a previous verse it says "If anyone considers himself religious yet does not keep a tight reign on his tongue he deceives himself and his religion is worthless. Religion that God the Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

Seriously, almost every verse is as convicting as the next and I start wondering what kind of Christian I am. "If you show special attention . . . have you not discriminated amongst yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?" We're hopeless, no wonder the world is as wrecked as its ever been. I was born to Christian parents who brought me up straight as an arrow yet every single one of these verses preaches that I am not who I think I am. I am just as corrupt as the next guy.

Thank God for His grace and mercy. I just wish my life would better reflect that.

Trapped

2010-11-08T15:19:00.002Z

I want to hit the road.

Seasons of Hair

2010-11-07T13:57:00.002Z

My hair has a tipping point. I usually grow my hair out without maintaining it in any way, and when it gets too long I ask the barber to chop it all off. I got it cut today and now my hair sticks out like porcupine needles. It takes around three weeks for it to not look like it was recently cut. Then I hit another point where my hair gets really hard to manage and it sticks up in the back when I wake up in the morning. It requires me to take a shower or wear a hat in order for my hair to stay matted down. After a while my hair gets longer and heavier, making the sticking up problem non-problematic. This is the point where I can actually comb my hair and look neat. But here’s where the tipping point comes in. One day my hair suddenly looks too long and too messy. One day my hair becomes unmanageable and I get ton of people telling me to get a haircut, all on one weekend. That’s what happened yesterday and today.

Yearbook

2010-11-06T15:55:00.002Z

I'm using Dvorak right now after two months or of using Qwerty. This is going to take me forever to write.

So the Green and White yearbook has been printed and I got a hold of one during the yearbook and dvd launch party. A years' work has finally paid off and I'm surprised how well it has turned out. I hope people like it and its unique concept of using letters instead of articles (when I say letter, I mean letter -- envelope and all. I need to post this now. It's 11:58pm.

IQ

2010-11-05T09:44:00.003Z

So at Pioneer Insurance I was given the exact same aptitude test but still couldn't finish the exam. What made my day was when the HR person asked me what I thought of the test. I said it was difficult (challenging), but she told me I did pretty well on it. Sweet.

Oh, the answer to the previous question is AD.

Interview #2

2010-11-04T04:57:00.003Z

Today I had an interview at IBM. The days leading up to this one have been extremely stressful. I think about what I'm going to say at the interview, how I'll hold up working with IBM, what my daily routine would be, etc. During the week I've lost my appetite and get small headaches, it's not very pleasant. But the day of the interview is fine. I wake up, dress, commute, fill out the application form, and wait. It's strange but waiting at the actual venue is the least stressful part of applying for a job.

I'm interviewed by a lady named Lea who's very pleasant and very helpful (she better be, she's HR). The interview goes well (even though I feel like I babble a lot). I'm asked about situations where I've been stressed and how I react to it. I hate this question, it's not that I'm not comfortable or unable to answer it, it's just the only thing that comes to mind are problems that STILL EXIST. So before I know it, I'm spilling my guts about my failures at coordinating the youth fellowship and finishing projects, and then I get stuck with how I dealt with those problems. I managed to pull something out of my butt. Up to this point, I'm wondering if I was completely truthful with that interview. I might of skewed things in my favor. Oh well.

So I'm told I might be contacted later that night or the next day about an interview. I'm surprised because the interview is only for 15 minutes, and after that I'm already heading home. I hail a taxi and leave Eastwood when I receive another call. It's IBM asking me if I'm still in the vicinity because they would like to have another interview. I've already left the area when I tell the taxi driver to stop the car. I run back for another interview in a different building. Good bye fifty pesos.

I'm interviewed by Diane and April (the team leader). They ask similar questions that I was asked earlier, along with "tell me something about yourself that's not on your resume." I'm baffled and start stuttering because I can't think of anything. I throw out my involvement in Church activities, etc. They ask how comfortable I am with numbers, and this is when I bomb the interview. I pretty much say I don't like accounting or finance, which is basically what the position is for (payroll). On top of that, I let them know that I prefer to work at a different IBM location, not at Eastwood (meaning I'm asking for a different position). Okay, I don't think the interview went terribly, I handled myself pretty well. I'm just struggling with a few things:

1. How am I going to commute to Eastwood?
2. How am I going to adjust to the night shift? (Good bye social life... Oh wait, I don't have one)
3. What am I going to do about food?
4. Do I really want to spend the next 6 months or year dealing with numbers everyday?
5. Am I going to be good at what I do? What if I suck?

After the interview they said they might call me tonight or tomorrow morning for a third interview (What? I thought there were only two.) Supposedly this is the last one, and this one's supposed to be with the head honcho. Supposedly.

Interview #1

2010-11-03T10:25:00.004Z

I took an pre-employment exam at RiskMetrics (aka Institution of Shareholder Services). It was dreadful. The test contained a bad combination of logic, comprehension, finance (not math, finance), and self evaluation. It took me four hours to complete the exam, and by the end my head was spinning.

Forty minutes later I have my initial interview which I flounder in. I express myself awkwardly, grab at words, think out loud... It was a disaster.

I’m really hoping they brush my exam and interview aside and accept me with outstretched arms. An embrace would be nice.

Next on the list: IBM.

Question 4
BANTER AN WINTER IN FAMINE AM LADDER **
Answer
________

Email

2010-11-02T11:06:00.002Z

Here's an email I wrote to my parents because I'm too lazy to write anything else.

Good news, I received a few phone calls today. I have an examination tomorrow at Makati for RiskMetrics. It's a part time job that has the possibility of regularizing me after six months, but it seems like a big deal company. It's research based.

I got a call from someone who got my number about KGC Philippines. I was unsure about what it was, but it's for entrepreneurs and it has to do with wholesale/retail. I turned it down because it sounded kind of shady.

Later that day I got a call from IBM about an HR - payroll job. It's night shift and I'll have to work at Eastwood. I'm going to the interview on Thursday. But don't worry about the Eastwood part, my friend says there's a shuttle that goes there from Quezon Avenue, which is walking distance from my house.

Please pray for me. God has already been gracious enough for the examination and the interview to be on separate days (Wednesday then Thursday). On top of that, since we're talking about two positions this will be me options instead of decided on one job. I'm very grateful. But please pray for me just the same :)

Open

2010-11-01T14:44:00.003Z

So it's November. You know what that means... NABLOPOMO!!! (also, happy All Saints' Day!) That means I'm going to attempt to blog everyday for the month of November. Exciting, right?

I've been reading the Andre Agassi memoir Open on my new Kindle. Great way to start my ebook reading. It reads a lot easier than the previous book I read (The Blind Assassin). For one, I'm reading it on the Kindle, and two, the words are simple and the sentences are short.

Like this.

But I can't stop reading. I'm in love with the character. Let me clarify, I'm not in love with Agassi, I'm in love with the character that he is. I don't want to sound all woman-like, but I've found that I'm attracted to reading about tragic men. Two of my favorite books in the past four years have been about tragic men: The Tender Bar and The Yiddish Policemen's Union.

I'm comforted that there are men out there who are great, although insecure and remorseful, yet can still carry on with that baggage in tow. I can't say I have much in common with these characters, but I do understand what it's like to be judged by who I'm perceived to be, yet live a life that's totally different from within. Unlike these memoirs and novels, it's harder for us to express our stories. And it's even harder to be honest about it.

Maybe I can be more honest with myself in the coming month.

The Problem with the Kindle

2010-10-29T18:06:00.003+01:00

I can buy a paperback for 7.50USD from the local bookstore. Since my region is listed as Asia & Pacific I'm charged and additional 2 dollars for a book. Books are around 10USD if you're in the States, thus I have to pay 5USD more for an ebook than for a paperback. I'm wondering if this was a good investment or not.

What I love about the Kindle is that it's so easy to read. The font is big and the contrast makes it readable anywhere -- in the dark or in sunlight. I don't have to worry about my body's position to the light because there are no pages to cast shadows . It's light and portable. And it's easy to hold and flip pages. No longer do I have to worry about the book's spine, nor do I have to put any effort into keeping the book pages open with my fingers, which is always a pain when I'm reading with one hand.

The Kindle is amazing. I'm just sad that the books I want are either too expensive or not in Kindle format yet.

Bleh

2010-10-27T16:16:00.003+01:00

So the previous entry wasn't how I intended it to be. Anyways, here's part 2.

Ever since I was young I didn't know what I wanted to be. I had no aspirations. I still don't. I don't know who I want to be, so I either take the next logical step or refer to other people for what I should be doing.

I just want to do something I'm good at. I know that's a dangerous thing to say as I could be good at being a super villain, or maybe something milder like a custodian. Not that I'm comparing the two. But what I'm trying to say is that I want to do something where people can value my work and say complement me on a job well done. I don't want to be stuck in a job where I'm second guessing myself, worrying about getting scolded for a poor work. I'm scared of failure. I hate letting people down.

Sure, I have some minor esteem issues, but isn't that what everyone wants?

Rearranging my Priorities

2010-10-27T08:43:00.002+01:00

A job. I'm looking for a job.

Yesterday I received a call from a company that was looking for Proofreaders. I was skeptical but was curious as to what this job entailed. Honestly, when I applied for the job I wasn't too keen on joining this relatively unknown company and I didn't feel any reason to commit to it, but I was intrigued that they were a non-voice BPO and dealt with e-book for companies in the US and in Europe.

This morning I went to Eastwood and made it barely in time for my scheduled interview (I would've been there sooner if I had flagged down a taxi when I needed one -- but hey! I was on time!). I wasn't too impressed with the building they were located in -- four floors, no elevators, and I didn't see the company's name anywhere. As I came to unit 302 I was surprised to see a door filled with book covers published some time ago. I felt deceived as the website I visited the previous night showed nothing to do with books, but at the same time I was comforted that I had found myself in the publishing industry -- or some form of it.

I was let in by the secretary who asked me to take a short exam. The proofreading exam required me to compare the scanned pages of a book with the ebook that it was converted into. Normally, the conversion tool is 90% accurate, meaning you'd find lots of mistakes. I was to note down the page number, the original error, and beside that the correction. For example:

102 - inside the lockde cabin was- inside the locked cabin was

I was given fifteen minutes for three pages -- I didn't finish. I was half way through the third page when I was asked to stop. After fifteen minutes the boss asked me to step inside a private room for the actual interview. He was impressed with my examination but quickly asked whether I could keep this up for eight hours a day, six days a week. He asked if I was okay with doing tedious work that required me to stare at a computer screen all day. He pretty much pointed out that this probably wasn't what I'd be interested in doing in the long run, especially with the low salary. I admitted that I applied for the job out of curiosity, but expressed my interest in the ebook industry.

He then gave me an education about the ebook industry, talking about their customers at Barnes and Noble, the evolution of the ebook format, and how the iPad had corrupted the ePub format by making it a single-platform through the use of DRM.

He told me that as a Lasallite (or a La Sallian) I was probably more ambitious, probably searching for a business related vocation which would prepare me to start my own business. He guessed that I didn't have any long-term plans for staying with the company, which he found to be a shame because he was searching for new proofreaders. He then asked me what I expected for a starting salary. I gave him a figure and he said he had a position that paid that much, but it required background knowledge and experience, which I had none of. He wracked his mind for job openings that I might be interested in, but the company was too small. In the end, the only thing we could come up with was a 1-year contract as a freelance proofreader, and maybe a promotion in the future. I thanked him for his time and consideration, and for the education about the ebook industry. I left. I felt sad.

The guy was really nice. He was amiable and tried to accommodate me knowing I had higher expectations. I was in an industry that I liked, and would be able to "read" books. At the same time, I knew I couldn't accept a job that paid so low. I knew my living expenses would outweigh my potential income. I knew I didn't want to stare at a computer screen all day (although that's pretty much all I do now). I just felt bad that my priorities were different than I thought they were.

Imagined Priorities:

I wanted a job that I could do well (and apparently, I'm a pretty good proofreader). check

I wanted good pay. no check

I wanted irregular work hours. check

I wanted an accessible location. check, no check, depending if I work there or at home

I wanted something with a future. half-check

I wanted something to do with writing. no check

I wanted a good boss. check

Actual Priorities:

Good pay.

It's kind of ridiculous. I find my pride is getting in the way. I know I'd compare myself with my more successful friends if I took the job. I feel like the job would be a poor return on investment. I feel like the job is for high school drop outs (his words). It's not a great job. But I feel like I'm turning it down for the wrong reasons.

Apple Shampoo

2010-10-24T11:47:00.002+01:00

Is there any difference between shampoo for men and shampoo for women? Are they really chemically design for men's scalps or is that just a marketing tool? I've been using shampoo all my life and ... yes, I really have been using shampoo all my life ... and I don't feel my hair has gotten any dryer or more dandruff free because I use a shampoo that's marketed towards women. The only difference I've noticed after switching to shampoo for men is that the shampoo smell is more manly. And... well... Actually... Actually that's good enough a reason for me.

Cat

2010-10-15T00:58:00.000+01:00

My uncle keeps lot of pets at his house. A bunch of extraordinary ones as well, such as horn bill, a monkey, two eagles, and a bunch of hens. You don't see these animals unless you're at the zoo, but apparently you'll fond them at my uncle's house.

My uncle also owns a handful of dogs and cats. Most of the cats were feral but he has one kitten that close to being domesticated. And out of all the exotic animals in this zoo-like house, I found this kitten to attract most of my attention. It's just so cute! With its stubby legs and its mechanized movements. Every now and then you'd find it curiously sneak up behind someone as they'd walk by and jump at them like a jaguar, but would retreat at any sign of danger.

I guess what really caught my attention was that the kitten reminded me more of an animated cartoon. It shocks me that animation has become so good that movies like Bolt don't look like an imitation of real animals, they look like the real thing. It also disturbs me that real life now looks like animated cartoons.

Forgiveness

2010-09-04T17:29:00.005+01:00

[disclaimer: I am still typing in dvorak so if I don't make sense... tell me to switch back to qwerty]

---The first half is boring. Skip to "I don't like sermons about forgiveness" (third to the last paragraph) if you don't consider yourself to be a reader.---

This evening the pastor at my church spoke on Proverbs 17:9. "He who covers a transgression seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates friends." We were asked to think of a person we needed to ask forgiveness from. I couldn't think of anyone because I'm the type of guy who's quick to forgive; I don't hold grudges. People make mistakes, I try not to let it get the best of me. But in the back of my mind I knew that I was having a bad day and it had to do with me being 'disrepected.'

One thing that irritates me is when I'm not shown respect or attention, especially when I'm waiting for food. Seriously, don't get between me and food when I'm hungry because I begin to brood and it's not pretty. So at lunch today I was waiting to order but the waitresses kept on snubbing me. She wouldn't take my order and continued to give her attention to other customers, even those who came in after me. I realized she was only doing this because there were a ton of customers that were demanding her service and since she knew me, she probably figured it would be wiser to snub someone she knew than a customer she didn't know.

Okay, I'm starting to feel bad for writing this because I feel like I'm digging up stuff that has already been forgiven and forgotten, but for the sake of blogging...

College fellowship is supposed to start at 2PM. I've tried to make it a point to start on time because I once got in trouble for letting the people out late (they were late for volleyball practice). I corrected them and it was fine for a time but today people came really late (even the youth pastor came late) and it really got on my nerves. We ended up starting the fellowship at 2:20 and by then I didn't want to be there. I contemplated leaving after the praise and worship session because I felt people didn't respect my time nor my value for punctuality. But the moment passed and I was okay for the rest of the fellowship. We try to end at 3:30, but on that day we didn't get out till 4:10. It was ridiculous because you can see people fidgeting in their seats as they wanted to leave, but we didn't want to end the program prematurely. I hope they come early next week so we can dismiss them on time.

After the fellowship I was fine. I let it pass because dwelling on something like that doesn't benefit me. Then during the worship service we learned about forgiveness.

I don't like sermons about forgiveness, not because I don't like forgiveness, but because the pastor always tells you to conjure up feelings of resentment that you try hard to forget. You're asked to think of someone you need to forgive, and it's hard for me because I'm quick to forgive. So what happens in my mind is I think of a time when someone had wronged me, remember that I've forgiven that person, then struggle with the thought of "Why do I still remember this? Haven't I forgiven this person already?" And it's tough because I have to re-evaluate whether I'm still willing to forgive that person.

One resentment that I feel I've gotten over yet still struggle to deal with whenever the memory floods back is my denial of a US Visa in order to attend my sister's wedding. The American consulate in Taipei denied me the opportunity to see an event that will most likely never happen again. I blamed everyone for this: the US and their restrictions, Filipinos who went to America and never came back, and God for having the power to do something but withholding it for whatever reason. It still upsets me today as I'm scared to return to an American embassy knowing that I'll have to check the "have you ever been denied a visa before" box. Will I ever see my sister's life in the States? Will I be able to attend my high school friend's wedding? I know I've dealt with this frustration in the past, and I've been able to forgive. But when I'm asked to conjure up this memory.. a memory of being rejected on grounds that are unrelated to me, but are related to my nationality.. I have to wonder whether I am willing to forgive again.

It gives a new meaning to Jesus' words in Matthew 18:22 in response to Peter's question, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Not seven times, seven times seventy.

Dvorak

2010-08-27T17:05:00.004+01:00

On August 22 I forced myself to learn how to type on a Dvorak keyboard. It's been a week and I've made some progress, but I still type very slow. Dvorak is supposed to help you type faster while cutting down on the amount of mistakes you make. In one week my typing speed dropped from 80+wpm to 22wpm. In a week's time my typing has become more erratic and I make more mistakes now as sometimes I revert back to qwerty subconsciously. It's debilitating going from qwerty to dvorak. I can't even type in qwerty well anymore as I sometimes confuse the two while typing fast. Right now I'm typing with my eyes closed because it helps me concentrate. I make fewer dumb errors this way.

It took me a whole year to learn how to type in 5th grade. By the end of 2001 I was able to type 35 words per minute. I expect the same results in 51 weeks. Sigh

I wish I was this disciplined in other areas of my life. I wish I could give the same amount of patience and attention to learning other things as I've given dvorak. I know it'll take more than a week to perfect, but I know this is one skill that I'll use for the rest of my life. If only I had that devotion for something like language. Or economics. Or piano. Or towards God.

Its hard typing a well thought out blog when you're constantly thinking about what letter comes next. Its like talking in another language: you struggle with coming up with ideas in your head while making sure the words coming out of my mouth are correct.

40 and Reminiscing

2010-08-18T21:20:00.002+01:00

I listen to a podcast by Bill Simmons from ESPN. He's a funny guy who loves Boston teams and reality TV shows. He also talks a lot about being 40. "Forty is the age when your warranty begins to run out," says recently interviewed Rich Eisen, and Bill Simmons agrees with him. "You wake up in the morning and your body starts to ache unlike when you're 30." Forty is also the age when you wake up at five in the morning and it feels perfectly natural. I'm not saying I've turned forty, twenty years ahead of schedule, but there's something else about turning forty. You're able to look back on every experience you lived through and say, "I remember when..." You're filled with stories about the OJ Simpson trial, the Bird vs Magic era, and the years of losses that led up to the 2004 World Series. You recount these stories with friend who know exactly what you're talking about. I'm twenty years his junior and feel like I've missed a life time's worth of events.

I'm fascinated by stories. I can sit through hours of podcasts listening to guys talk about the differences between the late 80's athletes and today's superstars. It intrigues me how they come up with comparisons about context between two strangely similar guys. It marvels me at how different things were before I was even born.

This evening I sat at Starbucks for four hours with a 25 year old and a 42 year old man. These two guys went to the same Bible college and they shared their stories about their phases of rebellion and resentment towards the college administration during their time in college. They shared stories about their successes and failures and how it felt like every moment in the past led up to today, and now it's like the fog has parted and he knows where his life's path was leading.

Me? I'm still struggling to find my purpose in life. I'm still searching for that thing that I'm passionate about. I sat there drinking coffee feeling jealous that this guy knew exactly what made him happy and he knew exactly what he wanted to do for the rest of his life.

I'm about to graduate from college and I feel like my life is just beginning. Yet I don't know where to go. I lack direction, I lack purpose. I'm starting to doubt whether life begins at 21; life for my friend seems to begin when you hit forty. I wish I was forty and reminiscing.

Say What You Mean

2010-08-12T12:36:00.003+01:00

Sometime back in May 2009, I told my family I needed a new wallet. The one I currently held was soaked with rain and sweat and it had already started peeling away at my IDs. I've had it for over three years and I was hoping my family would replace it. One day as I was browsing through Bratpack with my sister and brother-in-law, we saw a very black wallet that was self-proclaimed to be slasher-proof. We looked at the price and it was way more than I was willing to spend. There were other wallets displayed and my sister offered to buy me one, but I declined.

Come September, my birth month, my friends surprised me with an A3 sized birthday card. It was awesome and I enjoyed it immensely. Attached to the birthday card was a white Adidas bifold wallet made of polyester with an attractive penciled design. It was awesome and I used it right away.

Christmas rolls around the corner and my parents give me an assortment of small gifts, one of which is a wallet -- the same black wallet I saw at Bratpack at an exorbitant price. Was I grateful? Not exactly, I asked my mom why she bought me a wallet when I had told her I was given one for my birthday. I think I caught her off guard with my remark because she was expecting gratitude. And really, she deserved gratitude. I noticed my ungrateful attitude right after, but it was too late. No matter how much thank you’s I pour on my mother, I'm sure she still felt the pang of regret for getting me a gift I didn't want.

I still regret that Christmas morning.

Earlier today I was chatting with a friend online. She asked what my plans were after college and I responded by saying I'd look for work. She questioned me with "right away?" in which I responded "um. what else am i going to do?"

friend: do something to celebrate the fact that you've just graduated?

me: like get a job? isn't that the point of college? just kidding. hm. i should go to taiwan. but i don't know if my sister is pushing through with her christmas visit

friend: what does that depend on? ticket prices?

me: um. yeah. i don't mind not being rich, but sometimes it seems like life would be much different if travelling wasn't so costly. brb.

While I was gone it hit me how ungrateful I am. Is it in my being that I make these comments without thinking? I thought about what I said and questioned myself for writing off all the opportunities I've had to travel. Three years ago my whole family went to Africa. In the past two years I've been to Taiwan twice. In the past year I've traveled all over the Philippines. I am ungrateful.

I came back online and apologized right away for what I said. "i am rich. and i do travel a lot." It's a truth in my life that I take for granted. I know people who haven't even been on an airplane before, and I'm complaining about the cost of travel. I make trips to Taiwan every year for a fraction of the cost it takes my American friends to make the same trip, yet I'm still the one complaining about the cost of travel.

I sometimes say things I don't mean. And every time, the words I say can't be unsaid. The tongue is a rudder, it says in James chapter 3, it steers the whole ship. The tongue also is a fire, it corrupts the whole person. Our tongue sometimes says things that are hurtful to others, other times it neglects God’s blessings and says ungrateful things. Sigh.

[Supplemental reading: Jonah 4]

Nearing the End

2010-08-07T02:02:00.004+01:00

I’m currently enrolled in class entitled Leadership in Organization (LEADORD). The class demands a lot from the students in terms of time and effort. We’re routinely given assignments, online activities and quizzes. But I guess what makes it so hectic is everything is essay based and the assignments are already posted so you know what you have to do today, and on Monday, and next week. It’s frightening, but I do well in that class. Just don’t let it get to you – like in a dream.

Last night I dreamt I was in LEADORG. Everything seemed normal until my teacher announced we had a midterm on that day. A Midterm? This wasn’t good news for me because I was clearly not prepared. I didn’t have the test booklet that we were required to use on such occasion. I looked to my pal in the front row who usually brings with him an extra copy but he didn’t have one either. I panic. Everyone else is scribbling away while I sit with my arms at my side not knowing what to do. Fortunately, C. was sitting beside me and he had an extra booklet.

I start with the cover. Name, ID Number, Section, Type of Test, Name of your Pet. Wha-whaat? I skip to the next page and answer the first problem. The quiz is much harder than I had expected it to be. My answer to the first essay question was only two lines long. A sigh and my dream shifts to something else. In my hand I hold paper, glue, and scotch tape. I make a binder for sheets of paper but it turns out terribly. My teacher walks up to me and reprimands me for wasting time and tells me to start answering the questions. I look at question two and draw a blank. I turn back to question one and realize that I answered the question in the wrong format – there was supposed to be double-spaced, but mine was not.

I look at the clock my bedside clock and realize it’s 9:01AM and yes, it was all a dream. Two more months until I graduate!!!

[edit] apparently this happens on August 8 or 9 because that's the date i wrote on the test booklet

A Casual Trip to the Hospital

2010-08-06T05:34:00.003+01:00

I don’t know why, but whenever I come back from the hospital I feel compelled to blog about it. Wait! Don’t be alarmed that I mentioned the word hospital, I was only there to get my ears cleaned. I know people tend to think of something horrific when "hospital" is mentioned in a sentence, but it’s actually a relatively pleasant place from my experience (just avoid the emergency ward, worst place on earth).

So yeah, I got back from the hospital after getting my ears cleaned. I had to make the trip because I had a mandatory school check-up and at the clinic the guy made a big deal about getting my ears cleaned. “Get your ears cleaned and then I’ll clear you.” My ear wax was so dire that apparently I couldn’t graduate until I do something about it.

But it wasn’t that bad because I was cleared without having them cleaned. But before I left the guy asked me, “You can hear me, though, right?” I would’ve said, “What?” but I got scared he’d revoke my clearance if I didn’t say yes.

So today I went to Capitol Medical Center. I’ve actually had my ears cleaned before at CMC when it was really bad (I was deaf in one ear – one ear was completely clogged… It sounds really gross just saying that). My first trip happened a year ago and it was terrifying, whenever I asked for directions I had to ask them to repeat themselves, explaining that I couldn’t hear them. I was directed to an ear doctor whose office was very blue, very spacious, and very cold. She had a terrific view of Quezon Avenue and I gave her loads of compliments.

The chair was located off-center of the room, but close enough to the middle that it was obvious you were supposed to lay your eyes on it upon entering. I explained my situation and she told me to sit down, then she took out a terrifying contraption – it was a huge vacuum. She sucked out the wax chucks stuck in my ears and was so impressed because I can hear again! She told me there were still hardened chucks that she couldn’t get out with the vacuum so she told me to come back in a week after applying mineral oil and some ointments so soften the wax. I returned the next week and everything was great. She was such a pleasant person. I was in such a good mood afterwards. But it did set me back 3000PHP (around 50USD).

This time around my ears weren’t clogged; I just needed to get them cleaned. I went to a different doctor this time. His office was orange and he had statuettes of Buddha’s head, a Singapore plaque, and figure I guess came from Vietnam. You can tell he was really into feng shui because he had a waterfall in his room (protected by glass). I guessed he had one for two reasons: 1) feng shui; 2) static background sounds so when he cures you of your deafness you can yell out “I can hear the water!”

His chair was located in the corner of the room. He told me to sit down but he didn’t use a vacuum like the other doctor, he did something much more frightening: he pulled out a syringe. He explained to me that he’d clean my ear out by water (sounds a bit like Avatar). He took the syringe, stuck it in my ear canal (is that the right term?), injected the water in two bursts. The first burst clogs your ear, the second one washes out the gunk. He does this twice to both ears. It was awesome. I prefer this ear washing to the vacuum, it tickles your ears and it wasn't super-duper loud like the vacuum (imagine a vacuum in your ear).

So there’s my journey to Capitol Medical Center. I can now hear. I met another pleasant ear doctor. And this time it only set me back 900PHP (20USD).

Lost in Translation

2010-08-03T11:01:00.006+01:00

I'm currently taking a literature class about Filipino history. We've tackled books by Foucault, Ileto, and Rafael. Foucault's book, The Archaeology of Knowledge, criticizes our perception of history by deconstructing the discourses that were impressed on us (what? I didn't understand it either). Ileto's Pasyon and Revolution is about Filipino history from the perspective of the masses, or the lower class, taking into account folk Catholicism and Filipino literature and how it shaped their understanding of current events. Rafael's Contracting Colonialism is about language and how Filipino cultural conversion partially failed due to poor translation (...apparently. I've only read the book's introduction; we've yet to discuss the book in class). And that is pretty much the situation I'm in now -- completely lost in translation while my teachers throw around Tagalog words.

In chapter one of Contracting Colonialism Rafael lauds the humor of Jose Rizal in his work, Nole Me Tangere, where Rizal describes the fictional Catholic priest's Spanish sermon. The Filipino's can't understand him because they don't understand Spanish, but they do understand a few words here and there, so what they get from a sermon about obedience and loyalty to the government is instead a sermon about the King and punishment (okay, I forgot the actual passage -- but you understand the point Rafael was trying to make). This is how I am in my literary class: about 90% of the lesson goes over my head, with the leftover 10% I create my own lesson. But what's a little more interesting are the words I do know, the words that make my ears perk up when I hear them. But the English words that perk up my ear are actually Filipino terms. Unfortunately, those two don't translate very well. For example:

English ≠
Tagalog

trite = "banal" = holy

*sigh*

Required Reading II

2010-07-22T04:29:00.001+01:00

Was called on to recite in class. Didn't remember anything from the chapter. Typical.

Required Reading

2010-07-19T15:42:00.003+01:00

My school readings are insanely boring and sometimes my mind drifts off into a meandering state. I often catch myself doing this, but usually I'll have "read" a page worth of material before I can stop myself. Sometimes I go back, most of the time I don't. In case you were wondering, here are some of my thoughts while drifting off . . .

"Need to check the movie times for Robinson's Place. I should probably do it now before I forget, but I don't want to break my train of thought. Doh! I'm drifting off again. What did I just read . . ."

"Vagabond. Where have I heard that word before? I think it was from a song. But what song was it? What does it mean??? Think it's something like a vagrant? . . ."

"Acquiesced. How do you pronounce that? I've seen that word a lot but it just looks weird. Note to self: look up acquiesced on howjsay.com . . ."

"I'm hungry. I wonder what I can eat. I don't think there's anything in the fridge, I should probably go to the grocery store later . . ."

[Cinematic Orchestra starts playing on my iPod]
"Dude, this sounds like something I'd write if I was in a band. No singing, just music. [Starts playing along on my air guitar] I'm such a loser . . ."

"How many more pages are left in this chapter. I'm getting bored. This book is boring. I don't like my Great Works class. The teacher's condescending. And this book is boring. It's not making any sense. Ileto is all over the place. And I'm going to have to sit through an hour and a half of him on Friday. I hope he doesn't speak Tagalog. I hope he's not boring . . ."

"Phooey, what was this chapter about?"

Casting Call : The Yiddish Policemen's Union

2010-07-16T03:05:00.004+01:00

I'm not comfortable giving faces to characters in my favorite books. But I heard they were making a movie out of The Yiddish Policemen's Union so I figured I should give the characters faces as I would have pictured them before Hollywood ruins everything for me.

Meyer Landsman : Benicio Del Toro

Benicio is one scary dude, but his brooding and washed up look totally resembles Meyer Landsman.

Berko Shemets : Danny Trejo

It took me forever to think of someone for Berko's character, because how many big half Indian actors can you think of? I picked Danny Trejo as I was browsing through imdb pages and figured he looks more like the part than any white guy I came across. Wouldn't stick with him in the long run though.

Bina : Brunette Kristen Wiig

I know she's more a comedian than a serious actress, but I can see her being the assertive, bossy character of Bina. She can play the part with a little skin pigmentation.

Mendel Shpilman : Kevin Connolly

Without giving too much away, I can see Connolly play the drugged out victim from the first chapter. He's relatively small, he's got an appealing personality, and he looks harmless. And again, I can't give too much away.

Re: Can the Netherlands beat Spain?

2010-07-08T12:37:00.002+01:00

I’m finding it quite difficult to think so. You can argue that they’re undefeated, that they shocked the world by eliminating Brazil, and they’ve got a terrific feel for the game. But look at the countries the Netherlands defeated: Denmark, Japan, Cameroon, Slovakia, Brazil, and Uruguay. Group E did not contain that many contenders, so it’s not shocking that the Netherlands got out of the group with only wins. They proceeded by defeating Slovakia. Then they beat Brazil. That’s quite a feat, defeating the world’s number one team. But if you remember, Brazil fell apart in the second half as Ronaldo lost his temper and was ejected from the game.

The Netherlands needs a Brazil type collapse from Spain to win. They need a Switzerland-like goal to come out on top. Spain is just too good. They’re too good at controlling the ball, completing passes, stealing and intercepting passes from their opponents. But maybe, just maybe Spain’s offense might collapse. In their past games they’ve had breakaways but failed to capitalize. Apart from Villa, their strikers haven’t been that menacing. But Spain is still a great team and they very well may be the next World Cup champions.

With that said, I predict a Netherlands victory 2-1. Spain will get frustrated with wasted opportunities, and the Netherlands will manage to maintain ball control. They’ll have good shots at the goal and in the end, will come out on top.

(I don’t know how I convinced myself that this will happen)

Indestructible

2010-07-07T11:53:00.001+01:00

iPods are amazingly durable. Just the other day I dropped my iPod from five feet off the ground and it survived. A five foot drop can break a lot of things – cell phones, televisions, guitars. Five feet is high enough to hurt a person.

Nalgenes are equally, or quite possibly, more impressive. They say Nalgenes are indestructible – able to survive drops from tall, tall buildings. Their hardened plastic, on impact, will not shatter but will absorb the shock. They will be bruised and may even dent but you can count of them to not crack, and they will survive all sorts of abuse.

I love my iPod, and Nalgenes are awesome, but they are not perfect. My iPod’s volume button is stuck because I accidentally dropped my iPod on its side. I cannot raise the volume with the volume button, I can only lower it. Nalgenes also have their sweet spots. In high school we tested the durability of the water jug. We filled it up to its brim, capped it, and then threw it as high up as we possibly could, confident that no type of impact could possibly break it. It landed on its soft, plastic lid, cracking the only part of the bottle that wasn’t made from the same polycarbonate as the rest of the body. From then on I couldn’t carry my Nalgene around with me.

R. is a friend, a very durable friend. He can survive five foot drops and all sorts of abuse. He weathers life storms yet still keeps a positive outlook on life. He loses life’s games yet continues to carry on knowing he can win tomorrow instead. But over the past few months I learned he had a sweet spot as well. “No” is such an easy word to use and abuse. If you say it jokingly or seriously it can still have the same negative impact as an unintentional slap to the face. It doesn't matter what tone you say it in, you can even say it with a smile on your face, but what “no” infers, probably means much more to R. than to you or me.

So sorry R. for being a No person. Sorry for the abuse.

President Noynoy’s Inaugural Speech

2010-07-02T18:34:00.001+01:00

You can find the actual transcript here. The English translations can be found here.

On June 30, 2010, President Noynoy Aquino was sworn into office at the Quirino Grandstand. There was a sea of yellow and a sea of hopeful faces. I was going to critique President Noynoy’s speech by pointing out things I’m doubtful of or things I disagree with, but his speech filled me with hope for the Philippines. We share the same disdain towards the Philippines’ slow economic growth, we share the same resentment toward poor governance, we share the same contempt towards the corrupt, and we share the same dream for a better country. I am hopeful for the future because President Noynoy knows what to do, and he’s got the whole country backing him up.

Yet, I’m wondering why he cut God out of his speech. His mother was a devout Catholic; she wore it on her sleeve. I’m surprised President Noynoy didn’t do the same, because in the end he is still accountable to God. In the end, it is not man who controls his path, but the God of the universe.

In the end, I applaud President Noynoy for giving us what we need: hope.

“For I, the Lord, love justice; I hate robbery and iniquity.” Isaiah 61:8a

Re: When will the Philippines get a World Cup team?

2010-07-02T08:55:00.010+01:00

You can draw similarities between the World Cup and the Olympics, such as they both happen every four years and they are both global events. But what makes the World Cup different is that it's only one sport, people are actually passionate about that one sport, and not all countries are represented -- i.e. the Philippines.

This makes the Philippines one of the worst places to be during World Cup season. You're more likely to find a rowdy crowd in North Korea than in the Philippines. Filipinos aren't interested in soccer. They have the same attitude towards it as the USA -- football (I mean soccer) is a slow sport with not enough action. In the Philippines the fast-paced, high-tempo aggressiveness of basketball is king. We celebrate it as though we invented the sport -- but the truth is, we suck at it. We don't have superhuman characteristics like height or speed to be good at basketball, we're too malnourished for that. Despite this basketball is our prime sport followed by billiards, boxing, and then ice skating.

Football's unpopularity does have its perks. It's such a niche that you're forced to talk with people you hardly ever talk to, because out of your 400 facebook friends only 4 people stay up till 230AM to watch the game.

Here's what needs to happen before the Philippines can get a World Cup team.

The USA needs to win the World Cup.
The Philippines' culture is intertwined with American culture. We watch American movies and TV shows, we listen to American music, we eat American, and we root for American sport teams (ew Lakers). We are superficially American. What I'm really trying to say is that soccer has to take off in Americaª before it can take off here.
We need to implement a soccer program in our public school.
We're not exposed to soccer enough. We don't get the opportunity to play until it's too late. Other countries are passionate about soccer because they grow up with it. They learn it while they are young and they start developing strange tendencies to do everything with their feet. If you throw a ball at a Filipino he will catch it with his hands. If you throw a ball at a European, he catches it with his chest.
Similar to the economy, we need better infrastructure.
I'm talking about lots of grass. We don't have a lot of grass in the city -- where things really matter. The only place where soccer can take off is at DLSU, UP, UST, and Ateneo, because our campuses are either big enough, or have already designated an area for outdoor sports. You can't even tell us to play in our backyard, because we don't have one.

ªIs soccer finally taking off in America?

No. Once the World Cup ends it's going to be back to basketball, football, baseball, golf, tennis, nascar, and wrestling -- everything except for soccer. Why? Because soccer is the world's sport, and America is no good at it. The United States will only watch a sport if they're the best -- or at least competitive. And when will we know that the United States is competitive? When they start showing soccer games on ESPN. Same goes with cricket and rugby.

Can soccer take off in America?

Yes. Next World Cup season, once America beats Brazil, or a team equally challenging (instead of beating Algeria, ranked 30). You need to have dignity before you can feel proud.

World Cup quarterfinals predictions
Ghana 1 - 0 Uruguay
Brazil 3 - 1 Netherlands
Germany 2 - 1 Argentina
Spain 2 - 0 Paraguay

if only i had tumblr...

2010-07-01T05:47:00.004+01:00

... i could post videos to really great songs from some of my favorite movies.

An Education

2010-06-22T11:04:00.003+01:00

I think my professors at school share the same resentment towards the Philippines as me, though their understanding of the Philippines is more robust and knowledgeable than mine. They also have the benefit of living through the Philippine’s golden years when we were one of Asia’s finest. And today, any teacher above the age of 40 bemoans the fallen and lost empire that our country had the potential to be.

“When we were in college, companies would send us letters inviting us to apply to their corporation . . . each student would receive three to five letters, two from the government and three from the private sector.” Now, we’re paying entrance fees at job expos just so we could hand in our resumes.

“Bangladesh refused to do business here in the Philippines because our processes are too slow and inefficient. Imagine, Bangladesh is refusing to manufacture medicine here.”

“The Philippines is still using the feudal system. Our people still resort to dole-outs from the President. They expect the government to feed their mouths.”

And the one that stick out like a sore thumb is our culture. “Culture is the one thing that is holding back our country. If you look at other countries’ political parties, no one jumps from one party to the other. But here in the Philippines, people jump on the bandwagon of the majority, because that’s where the power is, and that’s where the money is.”

I’m bombarded with this almost everyday at school. How can I feel proud of my country when the role models I look up to at school have no faith in our government? How can I pretend to be patriotic when one of my professors refuses to even acknowledge the presidential election last May?

The country barely seems to be moving forward, and in a sense I feel my bitterness and resentment being justified by our limping progression. But then again – I have seen our country advance. The past election is evidence of progression as we successfully had an automated election (thank you Richard Gordon). The rebuilding of infrastructure in my neighborhood tells me that the local government is still operating, despite the slow process. And we’ve finally extended the LRT1 to connect with the MRT. But something within me yelps, “Is that all?”

The Philippines still has the potential to be big, to make a comeback. But I fear we’ll make the mistake of leaning too much on government and not enough on our own efforts to push us forward. I fear Filipinos will lose confidence in President-elect Noynoy when their immediate wants and needs aren’t gratified. I fear that our culture won’t change because we’re too resistant and too afraid of change. I fear complacency is what lies within all of us.

My professors at school have the right to be angry. They’ve done their part to pull the Philippines forward, and they continue to do so today through educating us in college. But instead of infusing resentment and bitterness into our minds, I wish our teachers would instill in us hope and hunger.

Borromeo

2010-06-19T19:20:00.000+01:00

The construction in Taiwan is amazing. During my last trip to Taiwan last December I saw numerous buildings being erected all over the city. Gigantic, overwhelming monstrosities that make the uncapturable sky to look that much smaller. Roads are repaved routinely; black, silk asphalt that is layered and flattened over stretches of road in the midst of the night. Taiwan is a well oiled machine and it’s beautiful.

Outside my house is a road, constructed way before I came along, but never renovated until now. When I came back from my trip to Taiwan in January, construction workers started tearing up this road. Their loud and heavy machinery clawed away at the asphalt, removing large chunks to install new pipers. The local government finally decided our neighborhood needed better infrastructure. It’s June right now and they’re still not done. They’ve torn up edges of the roads to add a sidewalk – removing gardens and lots of grass in the process. The road is much wider now, but it is still in its cement phase. Walking the newly renovated street last week, I noticed a large crack and wondered when they’d cover the road with asphalt.

The process is slow. The beauty has been taken out of the process. We have giant piles of sand, rocks, and uprooted plants lining our streets. I’ve been meaning to document the process but didn’t want to pull out my camera. Now I resort to memory.

There wasn’t really a point in my writing this. I’m sorry if I sound bitter. I’m not that upset with the slow construction. I’m actually quite relieved that the road is new and not just repaired. New pipes, sidewalks, a really wide street, this is more than I could ask for.

It’s late. It’s 2:20AM now and I’m too tired to watch the Cameroon v Denmark game. Good night.

Eye Candy

2010-06-18T07:15:00.001+01:00

Four times a week I take the MRT to school. It’s a long commute, but it mostly requires me to stand around while I’m whizzed by a steel machine. On this hour long commute, I am entertained by flashy images that pepper EDSA. Most of the ads are for clothes and prosthetics – I mean body care, read: a lot of billboards with attractive, half-naked Filipinos models. I can picture a contemporary Mad Men episode where Don Draper is faced with ad A) model in a tight jump suit marketing not the clothing but the abs that are clearly visible on the guy’s abdomen, or ad B) woman adorned with recycled rags representing what it means to really be an environmentalist. Draper would look at ad A and then ad B then say something like, “This isn’t what people want. No, men and women both want to be free – free from the city’s steel bars, free from the norms of society. [Dramatic pause] Think Free.” He then pulls out his own poster with two models barely naked, nothing but a loin cloth hiding the model’s private parts. “Ladies, gentlemen, Bench’s new direction – ‘Uncut.’ I think that’s actually what happened. I saw three fifty feet tall underwear ads. Three!

I’m surprised that there hasn’t been a car crash apocalypse on EDSA yet. Hmm… This sounds like a wonderful new idea for the game Burnout. We can call it Burnout: Deadly Distractions. And what you do, instead of driving a car into oncoming traffic, is place an ad beside the street that would distract male drivers, causing them to crash their cars. Leading to a multi-million dollar car pile up.

I wonder if anyone is as embarrassed by Philippines’ un-conservative marketing as I am. And people ask my why I shifted away from my advertising major.

It’s raining outside.

2010-06-16T17:54:00.003+01:00

In the past month the Philippines has experienced minor downpours. The rain has fallen, running down sky scrapers, bridges, and light posts, into the street and taking with it the summer heat. I no longer sweat after exiting the house for more than five minutes. But instead of being drenched with perspiration, I now have to deal with soaked shoes, and wet jeans.

Yesterday I walked down Scout Midrinan with my umbrella in hand when the sky released its breathe and let down a heavy downpour. My small sized umbrella protected my head but anything below my knees was already beginning to feel like I’d marched part of myself into ocean. But this is the type of weather I love. The coolness, the drowning effect of the rain on rooftops and windows, the feeling of hope as maybe, just maybe school may be suspended for the day.

Rain can sustain our livelihood or it can be a force of destruction as we witnessed in last year’s Typhoon Ondoy. It makes life difficult as we sometimes have to trudge through floods that are ankle deep, or it can be a cleaning agent that washes away the dirt from tiled buildings or parked cars. It can limit our sights while driving, or it can clear away the smog that permeates our city. You can’t hate the rain. You can’t love it either. It’s just a part of life that we deal with on a yearly basis. Rain is.

It’s stopped raining outside. The only evidence we have of the rain’s existence is the puddles it left behind for us to stand in.

I attend a leadership class every Friday. I hate attending this class because every time I attend I feel like I’m being told everything that I’m doing wrong. You’re not proactive enough, you’re not supportive of your subordinates, you’re not taking your role seriously. It makes me want to scream, “I never wanted this in the first place!” But I’m here anyways. These classes aren’t about teaching – they’re about preaching, and it’s pretty heavy preaching. It makes the burden on my back feel 10 times its actual weight.

But at the same time, I need it. I need it to see my faults – to see the areas in which I can and should improve. The material isn’t about one aspect of my life, it’s about everything – they way I think, the way I talk and behave, the way I relate with other people. Leadership isn’t just about managing others, it’s about managing yourself. The class does emphasize on things I’m doing wrong, but it has made me stronger.

And in ten years, when I look back on my college years I hope to have made in impact. In a way I just want to leave behind a legacy – or a puddle.

Summer Cleaning

2010-06-09T14:49:00.000+01:00

My mother spends most of her day cleaning the house. It’s one of her passions; it’s one of her obsessions. She sweeps, she mops, she dusts everything in every room. It’s a lifelong chore that she finds satisfying. And I’m proud of her; I’m proud of her work. At the end of the day the house always seems to sparkle. It makes me feel like a king whenever I visit her in Taiwan. But here in the Philippines, my place is a mess.

Ever since summer I’ve been either too busy or unmotivated to clean up. I receive comments from my sister and mother about how cluttered my room looks whenever we video conference on Skype. It’s embarrassing. So today I cleaned my room. I started with my desk. Then I swept the floor. I even organized my files on my computer. I was on a role. Then there was the task of cleaning the wall.

My mirror sits on my desk which allows me to see my whole room and the TV even though I’m staring at the wall. But it took up too much space so I decided to move it. In the mirror’s place is its dirty outline: a white wall with dark smudges, sticky-tack, and dust. The sticky-tack came off easily, but the dark smudges . . . Cleaning a white wall is impossible. The more I scrub, the more the smudges seem to spread and smear. Some day I’m going to repaint this wall a different color – or maybe I’ll paint a mural of the Justice League instead.

I love cleaning my room. I feel so accomplished when my room is neat and organized. And I expect my mom to be proud of me, even if she can’t see it. I just wish my life was the same way. I still have my 2009 New Years Resolution on my wall, most of which can be repeated again this year (e.g. raise GPA, go somewhere new). Last year I accomplished four of the ten resolutions. But there are always things I wish I did that I didn’t do. I’ve gotten most of the sticky-tack and dust off my life, but you’ll still find smudges of failures and shortcomings that refuse to come off despite the constant scrubbing. I know how clean I want my life to be, but no matter how I go about it I’ll always say something hurtful or negative to bring others down. I’ll eventually lose the motivation to continue to work at it, and in the end nothing will change. Dust will collect again; posters and pictures will fade.

I go through these phases of wanting to be, needing to be, a better man. I find it so easy to give in, to give up. But giving up is always a mistake. I want a clean wall.

Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. -Psalm 74:11

Memories

2010-06-02T12:55:00.003+01:00

It’s been over a month since I’ve sat down and read a book. The last time I had done so was with A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, back in April of this year. Since then I haven’t been able to get past the third chapters of any book. I’ve tried – I got through 10 pages of A Life of Pi, and 30 pages of Slam. The busyness of school and orgs, and the distractions of Google Reader and podcasts have taken away my readers mojo and I’m determined to get it back.

On Monday I pulled The Yiddish Policemen’s Union off my shelf and made up my mind to get to the last page. My first time through the book was a chore; I struggled through every paragraph with its landmines of five syllable words and Yiddish references. In retrospect, if I told myself that the plot could have been summed up in less than twenty pages, I probably would have given up. But I have fallen in love with this book. This is my third or fourth time through and I have a much clearer understand of what’s happening. I can now sit back and enjoy everything that makes the book great.

The added pleasure of rereading the book is the memories that come with it. I found tucked in its pages a boarding pass from my trip to Tacloban, a slip of paper with the contact details of Bratpack, and a airline napkin that book marked the glossary. Before I used receipts which doubled as a book mark and a list on which I wrote vocabulary words. The receipt is now gone since I transferred the list onto my computer. You can download the vocabulary list by clicking here.

TYPU represents much more to me than just a book; it is a memory bank that brings me back in time. Grab a book off my bookshelf and I’ll tell you where it came from. Give me a song off my iTunes library and I’ll give you a memory. Journals, diaries, blogs can remind you of an incident, but those words are told in past tense; they tell of a time when you remembered an incident. They are a memory of a memory. The things you can touch, hear, taste, smell, or feel – those are the things that really bring you back.

I downloaded two podcasts this evening – both were re-aired interviews from March. And surprisingly, I knew exactly where I was when I first heard those interviews. The first interview was with the creators of South Park and I remembered I was across DLSU at National Bookstore looking for a present for my dad. I ended up buying him Blink by Malcolm Gladwell since he enjoyed Outliers so much. The second interview was with Kelly Kennedy, and I remember hearing the first half of the interview while I was waiting at the airport for my mom at three in the morning. I wasn’t able to finish the podcast as I saw my mom exit the customs area.

Sounds, feelings, emotions, things that created a moment for me. I am mesmerized at how my memory works. I wish I could utilize it for my education.

I just noticed how sentimental I sound. I don't consider myself to be a sentimental guy -- I move around a lot, which disallows me to accumulate much. If I was evicted from my house on the unlikely premise that Nick Hornby wanted my room, I'd take my laptop, guitars, xbox, clothes and my books with me. I'd leave everything else to his disposal. I don't care much about the foam hand from my first UAAP game, or the lanyards from the different retreats I've been part of. Almost everything in my room are for decorative purposes only. What I'm trying to say is that the memories I was talking of are memories brought up by books and music.

*Sigh* It's hard to differentiate the two. Maybe I am a sentimental guy -- deep down inside. Maybe memories are what keep me sane. I'd hate to think so. Memories . . . they tell me who I am. Where I have been. What I have done. Memories -- please go away. I'm trying to live in the present.

Michel Foucault

2010-06-01T11:47:00.002+01:00

Sometime in May I was standing in front of a urinal when my jean's button popped out and landed on the urinal's porcelain bed. My hygienic conscience prevented me from picking it up, so I left it. In the succeeding months I have depended on my belt and zipper to keep my pants from falling. I've since appreciated buttons.

I'm not a school person. School is a place for me to be judged on my output, not because they affect anyone or change anything, but because of the expectation of my teacher. How could I appreciate the Archaeology of Knowledge if I don't understand its text? What's the point of diving into this piece of literature when it has no effect on my life?

O weekend. Please come quickly.

Musings

2010-05-17T17:09:00.006+01:00

[Don't tell me that I'm emo]

“I honestly think this may be the end of the world.”
And just like that, the world explodes. Australia is flung towards Neptune, while Africa coincidentally breaks apart into the shapes of its countries and drifts into the center of our solar system. The earth’s water vaporizes and freezes back into ice as it enters deep space. All plants and animals cease to exist. Nothing is left alive. Our conscience is the only thing that remains.

“I think therefore I am.”

I know exactly who I am. I am the shadow of my human form. I am water. I am the essence of life. I am alive.

I drift through space without direction, without a destination, and without a guide. I move laterally, diagonally, then in curves. I move forward in time, and then retrace my steps. What is a day if you have no sun? What is a second if you have no heart? What is now if nothing ever changes?

I know exactly who I am. I am eternal. And I know exactly who I am not. I am not here.

“Is this home?”

You are outside of the milk way. Careening through space. Careening through time. Careening through nothing. This is home.

Can you see that? No. Can you hear that? No. Can you smell that? No. But can you feel that? Yes. Approaching you is a star that’s five hundred times bigger than the sun. Its energy radiates and explodes, giving light and heat to everything around it. Giving warmth and life to everything it touches. But this star too explodes. It no longer lives. It’s gone. And in its place is nothing.

I know exactly what I am not. I’m not a star.

How do you end consciousness? Through sleep? Nay. Through death? Never. You can’t quiet a spirit that doesn’t depend on any material thing to survive. You can’t mute the siren that we know as life. How far is the east from the west? It’s as far as the beginning is from the end. And you my friend, are right in the middle.

Everything As It Is

2010-05-11T13:08:00.003+01:00

I’ve received two titles this year: coordinator and project manager. Then I realized something about myself, I’m not a good leader – for the same reason that I can’t draw or design. This will make sense in a moment, but remember this – process.

A few years ago I was with a friend at Starbucks. We had a few hours to kill so we pulled out a few pens and started scribbling on napkins and scrap paper. He started drawing stick men on a sheet of paper. A bunker here, a rifle here. Small explosions. The image grew into a battle between two opposing sides. Two sides with rifles and grenades and exploding body parts. What fascinated me was that the scene seemed to come out of the fog. The details were there, you just didn’t know what they were till he connected the dots.

I remember watching a video of Jim Lee, a comic book artist icon. After looking through some of his work I became obsessed with him. I loved the way he added detail that filled the entire page. Most comic book artist would draw the main character with a vague background so not to distract the reader from the story. Jim Lee went against the grain and drew out landscapes and individual muscles. He knew that comic books were about the images and he fleshed out every single character as best he could.

In the video I saw of Jim Lee he demonstrated how he drew him characters. He’d look at the page and draw a line here and another there. Nothing really connected until he started refining the image, then the image would come out. His technique was the same as my friend’s: he saw the whole image in his head. He saw the body proportions, he saw the details of the exploding grenade, and he traced the invisible lines.

When I draw an arm, I first draw the bicep, then I draw the elbow, then I draw the forearm. If everything looked proportional, I’d draw a hand. Everything goes in logical order. You start from point A then go to point B. Like connect-the-dots. This is the way I think, in steps. I can’t imagine an invisible image and trace the invisible lines. I can’t see what a yearbook divider is supposed to look like as a finished product. I can’t tell you what a website is supposed to look like without having it in front of me. Just like this blog/note I started with an idea, sat down and wrote. I don’t know how I’m going to conclude this and I don’t care. Each sentence is its own step and I’m taking these steps with a flashlight that only shines two feet ahead of me.

Thus I panic when I’m faced with leadership tasks. Leadership requires you to have foresight and direction. Leaders don’t look down to find the next step, they always have their heads up. I’ve been having problems with tracing invisible lines because I can’t see point C. I have to start at point A which leads to point B which then leads to point C. I can’t conduct an orchestra because my process is to conduct the first violins first, then the second violins second. I can’t imagine controlling everything at once. I can’t control a fellowship all at once. I can’t make a website in one swift stroke. And like I said earlier – I don’t know how I’m going to end this.

I’m not writing this as an excuse. Leadership requires a lots of experiences and lots of failure. What I hope to accomplish is . . . to start blogging more.

Casting Call - Ultimate Avengers

2010-04-26T17:55:00.004+01:00

Joss Whedon will be directing the new Avengers movie. This is great news for comics book fans and Dr. Horrible geeks. But I'm a little bummed out about the cast. Robert Downey is too old to be Iron Man. Chris Evans is too young to be Captain America. Samuel L. Jackson is too annoying to be Nick Fury. So I took the liberty of casting my own Avengers -- based on the Ultimate Avengers comic book.

Captain America - Jon Hamm

I started watching Mad Men in February and knew right away that John Hamm IS Captain America. If you forget about brown hair, you'd see it too. He's got the presence, the build, and the deep voice of authority that Cap needs to lead his troops into battle.

Iron Man - Dean Cain

I know what you're thinking, "Dean Cain?? Come on!!" I know for a fact that 99.9% of everyone who reads this will disagree with me about this one. "Dude, Robert Downey Jr is the perfect Iron Man." I know, I hear it a lot. But from the impression I took from the comics, he's not. Tony Starks is charming, but not funny. Dean Cain's got the charm and he looks young. But what makes him perfect for the part is that I dislike him as much as I dislike Tony Starks.

Thor - Viggo Mortensen

When you think of Thor you either think of flowing blond hair and steroids, or Star Craft 2. For the longest time I had the image of this dutch body builder with long blonde hair, but I finally got rid of that image and *poof* had an epiphany. Mortensen would be perfect because he's got fight in him (LOTR, A History of Violence, Eastern Promises).

Ant Man/Giant Man - Aaron Eckhart

I actually have no idea who Henry Pym/Yellow Jacket/Ant Man/Giant Man is. I just know he's a scientist with wavy hair. But I can picture him playing Ant Man in the comic book Identity Crisis. He seems like he could play the tragic part. I don't know what else to say.

Wasp - Carey Mulligan

Everything about her screams Wasp: her appearance, personality. I'm also just making this up. But I can totally see her as the Wasp.

The Hulk/Bruce Banner - Steve Buscemi

Both Hulk movies ruined the image of Bruce Banner for me. Bruce Banner is a scientist, a peaceful, awkward introvert who blows up to become the Hulk when angered. Steve Buscemi's got the scientist look, and he can act peaceful, awkward and introvert all at the same time.

Nick Fury - Avery Brooks

(skip to the 1 minute mark)

The obvious choice was to choose Samuel L. Jackson, but he's a pain in the butt. So I looked for someone else who had presence; someone who could lead SHIELD and make tough decisions. It took me a while to look for a guy with Nick Fury's look beside Jackson, but I luckily found Avery Brooks. He's unheard of, but maybe you've seen American History X . . . Or maybe a few episodes of Star Trek. If you watch a short portion of the video (skip to the 1 minute mark) you'll see that he's got what it takes to be SHIELD's commanding officer. You just need to dye his beard black.

Black Widow - Sienna Miller

I defaulted on this one. I only chose Sienna Miller because of this image. If you dyed her hair red she could easily pass as the black widow, hands down. When I watched the crappy, pirated version of GI Joe on a field trip, I was like, duh . . . Black Widow.

Desperate Blogging

2010-04-24T16:50:00.004+01:00

A few days ago I broke my key in the kitchen door. This is the second time that has happened to me since I’ve moved into this compound. We can deduct one of two things (or maybe both). Either the key I was given (both keys) were made out of cheap, malleable material OR I’m uber-strong like Hercules. The second theory is obvious the one you’ll side with, but that’s the not point I’m trying to make (or IS IT?)

I think Filipinos overstate the idea of safety whenever the topic is brought up. We bar our windows, double lock our doors, and line our walls with poison-tipped spikes. Living in the city, we’re scared that thieves will come and take away the things we love – in my case my stash of Stick-O Chocolate Wafer Sticks… which is hidden in the best-est of hiding places: between my Xbox and TV (lies).

What we sacrifice in the meantime is convenience and front yard aesthetics. Who wants to wall off their compound? Who wants to be met by a black gate on returning home from wherever? Who wants to daily face the hassle of unlocking three sets of doors to get into your room? Not me, that’s why I never lock my door. Anyone can waltz in and do a little dance in the center of my room while I’m in the shower and I wouldn’t even know. But by leaving my door unlocked, I save five precious seconds when I get home from long outings and I’m dying to relieve myself (it also helps that I don’t have a sister to “call” the bathroom).

So what exactly is my point? Am I proposing that we shouldn’t lock our doors? Definitely. Am I proposing we remove the poison-tipped spikes that line the walls of our compound? No, the idea is totally awesome. Am I saying you should waltz into my room and do a little dance while I’m in the shower? Only if you want to me see naked when I come out. Okay, I didn’t really have a point in writing this – other than to say that I’m uber-strong like Hercules.

Past, Present, Future

2010-04-16T02:51:00.006+01:00

I once punched a guy in the stomach my freshmen year in high school. He was bigger than me, but he was one of those goofy, gentle guys who had a reputation for being a teacher's pet. Even now I can clearly picture my Chinese teacher patting him on the head saying something like "乖乖." But he didn't have a chip on his shoulder, didn't look down on anyone else. He was a great guy, but I still had to punch him.

One day after class I had to call home, but I didn't have my cellphone. With my two 1NTD coins I made my way to the payphone when I accidentally dropped one of the coins. This guy picked it up and tossed it to his friend. We started playing monkey-in-the-middle, and I was the monkey. Clearly I wasn't happy with the situation, so I did what any young, impatient, angry kid would do in that situation. I stuck my clenched fist in his gut and watched him tumble. It was my first victory in a physical fight -- though looking back on it I wouldn't call it a fight. It was clearly one-sided, and I clearly had a cheap shot. I guess you wouldn't call that a victory either.

The funny thing is, years later we both clearly remember the incident. I remember him casually commenting that he wouldn't want to fight me because I punch hard. His compliment bolstered my ego, but it helped remind me that some things are hard to forget. They may not continue to hold grudges against us, but in the back of their heads they'll have the knowing instinct that Yes, this guy sometimes lashes out unexpectedly. Beware

I apologized three years later. They say you should forgive and forget, but you can't forget unless you forgive. And I'm sure that neither of us have forgotten. Being the chill guy that he was, he told me to not worry about it, it's fine, etc. But now, I look back on the incident with both pride and guilt. I'm proud because I know I can throw a punch that could drop a guy twice my size, but I feel bad because it was uncalled for.

Why exactly am I bringing this up? The other day I lashed out at someone, not physically but verbally. I was angry, not at that person, but with everyone and everything. I wanted to burn down establishments and I wanted to put numerous people in sleeper-holds and leave them by the side of the road. I was angry at God and I was very angry at myself. Like the impatient self that I was seven years ago, I lashed out and I hurt someone.

It was one incident and it'll probably not happen again in the next seven years (I hope), but it's something hard to forget.

[Now I'm going to be less serious]

I probably made the moment more memorable and indelible by writing about it and posting it on a public forum. This might come back to haunt me. I can picture it now, seven years from now my job interviewer will google my name and find my blog. He'll read this post and check the calendar, Seven years have passed? He'll probably lashed out again, soon.

And the guy I wrote about at the beginning of this blog will read this post and the forgotten memory will come streaming back. He'll start holding a grudge against me, fantasizing about burning down my house, putting me in a sleeper-hold, and leaving my body by the side of the street.

These online confessions will be the end of me . . .

On Another Island

2010-04-09T04:50:00.003+01:00

My parents went to Kenting this past Holy Week for a Missions Conference. My dad sent my siblings and me some photos he took and now I'm homesick. These images capture what I miss about Taiwan. Miss you Papa and Mommy.

Monologue

2010-04-02T16:48:00.006+01:00

I just finished re-reading the graphic novel Kingdom Come by Mark Waid and illustrated by Alex Ross. (The artwork is utterly amazing. It's done in gouache, giving it a nostalgic feel. I think Alex Ross is my new favorite comic book artist.) The story revolves around the Justice League of America (JLA) twenty-some years from now, where the superheroes we're familiar with today are retired and hiding, and the new generation of superheroes storm about with a fraction of the ideals and responsibilities of their predecessors. In the future superheroes are justified in killing bad guys; in the future collateral damage is inevitable for securing "peace" and "justice." Society gave up on superhero ideologies and embraced the ideology of results, thus blurring the lines of good and evil.

I don't want to spoil the story, but the ending is epic and every page is a visual treat. If you have a chance pick up a copy, even if it's 14.99USD. It's something you can return to every year, or if you don't have the luxury of time you can tear out its pages and plaster them to your colorless walls. It'll give your room personality, and it'll make geeks fall in love with you.

One of my favorite things about Superman is how straight he is. So much so that it becomes one of his faults. Batman, on the other hand, is willing to cut corners if it's for the ultimate good (and without breaking any of his golden rules). So I was thinking, is God super straight or does he cheat a little bit for the greater good? Or is there even that distinction? In the past I've seen God use terrible situations to get someone's attention, or to get someone to repentance, but doesn't that seem like cheating? God once tried to exterminate evil by flooding the earth, wiping out most of creation. Was man so entirely and inheritantly (<--- not a word) evil that it was okay to destroy them? Am I asking dumb questions? I feel guilty for brining this up, because I'm hinting that God isn't entirely good (He is good.) I'm just wondering where you draw the line, or if a line should be drawn at all.

I'm guessing that someone's going to rebuttal by saying that Jesus changed all of that. His death and resurrection nullified evil's significance so that Christians now have no record of evil. And it's our duty to spread the gospel so that everyone can have that same luxury, that same gift of grace. I have a feeling that someone will say we shouldn't judge others, because we never know who will change their mind about God and His son. Instead we should give everyone a chance.

Did I just answer my own question?

sore eyes

2010-03-30T15:33:00.003+01:00

I spent the last four hours playing Mass Effect. Somehow it made it to the top 10 games ever for the Xbox 360. It's an RPG game, the same style of gameplay as Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic, Fables and Final Fantasy. When you start the game, you're given the choice of choosing a character that drastically affects how your character interacts with everyone else. The only problem with this is that the only way that's interesting, is if you play the game more than once. And right now, I'm pretty sick of the game. It was a good run, but I still felt everything was so serious and mechanical. On top of that are all the supplies/equipments/firearms that give you an edge over your opponents -- I pretty much skip those because I have no idea what I'm doing. I feel bad for critiquing the game so negatively, it really is a good game -- it's just not my type of game.

Running Diary – The Microsoft Project 2007/QM for Windows Seminar

2010-03-26T08:17:00.001Z

Speakers: Bob Reyes & Jeden Tolentino
Time: March 26, 2010 : 2:30-430
Location: L335

[2:55] Microsoft Project 2007 costs half of my term’s tuition – 25,000PHP. That’s insane
Do they really expect us to purchase this program? For one term? For one subject?
I wonder if I could copy the program off a school’s computer. Hmmm…

[2:59] Project Web Access -- I wonder if this is a way around purchasing the program. Could I do everything on a school’s computer, then access the project from my computer at home through the Internet? Genius!

[3:00] You can pay 400USD for an extra menu button! “Collaborate!” If I ever start a super hero team like the Avengers, our call would be “Company Collaborate!”

[3:02] We were just introduced to a multilevel Undo. They should call it a time machine.

[3:08] Woooahh!! Microsoft Project is awesome! It… it…. It’s awesome!!! Sunday’s are working days! It’s automatic, you don’t have to skip days, blah blah blah. Microsoft is so cool!

[3:30] Check this out
http://Openworkbench.org
htt://Ganttproject.biz
http://Sourceforge.net/projects/openproj/files

[3:47] Sir Jeden Tolentino is the next speaker. Awesome. And Awesome QM for Windows program. It’s like a miracle machine. It’s robotic, automatic. It’s a CHEATER!!! If I had this during my quiz in class, I would be getting good grades. Instead I’m forced to pretend to study, which doesn’t give me the grade I want. If only they let us use computer during the quizzes. It makes sense, when we leave college, when we’re in the real world, we’re allowed to have anything. So why be judged on what you remember when everything’s available to you later on?

[3:58] Got a Bright Eyes song stuck in my head. Sing with me:
“All my friends were vampires
I didn't know they were vampires
It turns out I was a vampire myself”

[3:59] Celine is sitting next to me. She’s requesting to be included in my running diary. She’s laughing. She’s happy. We should all have a Celine by our side.

[4:06] Moved on from Single Time to Triple Time. I have the impression that they’re trying to speed us up – threefold. They skip double time and go straight to SUPER FAST. Why the rush? If you want to crash the project, you’ve got to pay me more. More money because time equals money. More money!

[4:09] Aaaarrhhh. My hair itches. The shampoo I found at EGI must have been tarnished with something… or spoiled… what if there are cockroach eggs in the shampoo? I wouldn’t be surprised, that place is infested with bugs.

[4:20] Microsoft Word crashed on me. I lost the second portion of my blog because it didn't automatically save -- meaning it wasn't recovered. Anyways, remember this site: http://jeden.tk

These are a few of my Favorite Things

2010-03-23T14:55:00.003Z

Diamonds. Are a girl's best friend. Buffets. Are college guy's favorite things.

Went to Saisaki/Dad's earlier tonight with family friends to celebrate my dad's birthday. They were supposed to take us out because my dad's visiting and I can't cook for him, but after five heaping plates they pulled out a mango/caramel cake, then we sung Happy Birthday in eight different keys, simultaneously and all was well. Happy Advanced Birthday Papa!

Layers and layers of layers

2010-03-22T14:33:00.004Z

If I could sum up this week with a cliche, I would. (I'm drowning in academic puree)

Anyways...

pet peeve: people speaking in puzzles.

they ask questions or statement out of the blue which beckons a question in return, for example:

"How about this Saturday?"

possible responses:

a) Wait, what's happening this Saturday?

b) Did we plan something?

c) Why not this Saturday?

good night

2010-03-18T23:31:00.004Z

"Hahahahaha!" K held his stomach and laughed uncontrollably as he dismissed himself from the work station.

"It's funny, right?" I say (dumbly), reexamining the t-shirt with the iconic flying bicycle image from the movie E.T. Well, what made it funny was that the biker was doing a back flip and E.T. was falling tragically to his... well, let's not go there.

K was heading to bed when I sidetracked him with an image that I saw on my google reader. He'd laugh and walk away, then come back for more. My other co-worker got wind of the image and found the link and begun her own laugh-fest. Oh the joys of yearbook servitude at 1am.

What we do here at Green and White is eat their free food (budgeted at P150 person), surf and download using the wicked fast internet, and enjoy the laughs of silly things like t-shirt art. And if we find time we work on the yearbook's divider. So this past night, after eating at Ersao, catching up on the latest Colbert episode, and finishing some homework, I decided to revamp my divider and start over. And you know what, it turned out awesome (lowercase A). What made the evening Awesome was turning into the NCAA (not UCAA) in time to watch Murray State beat Vanderbilt with a one point buzzer beater. That was around 330AM and I've been hooked since. It's 7:55 right now and I'm about to enroll for next (and final) term. Yipee!

thoughts on the mrt 10:10PM

2010-03-07T16:35:00.002Z

If I had twitter and 3G I'd tweet the following things:

-In the last 24 hours I've spoken two words, "stores" and "value."
-When the sign at the fare booth said the met will arrive in 30 minute intervals, they weren't kidding.
-For once in my life I'd like to be squished between gorgeous women than be mobbed by un-deoderized men.
-There are a few things worse than getting a cramp in a confined space.
-If I were to design a car, I'd make it's LEDs illuminate in dark places.
-New level of gayness: listening to Taylor Swift on loud speaker in a crowded train -- repeatedly.

Bryan Adams -- Everything I do, I do it for You

2010-03-03T14:10:00.003Z

The problem with my alarm clock is that I know exactly where it is located relative to my bed. When I hear it ring I reach over and flip the alarm clock which turns off the alarm (it's not a normal alarm clock with buttons). I can do this without opening my eyes; I can do this in my sleep.

The problem with my alarm clock is that when you place the clock on its side it shows you the alarm, and not the actual time.

So, when I woke up this morning I flipped the clock on its side and fell back asleep. When I woke again I looked at the clock and it told me it was still 7:25 -- so I go back to sleep. When I woke again I looked at the clock and it told me it was still 7:25...

I ended up getting out of bed thinking it was still 7:25 and realizing it was 10AM. Shoot.

TxtMates!

2010-02-20T15:22:00.002Z

Earlier today I received a text message from +639396211731. Here's how our brief exchange went.

0939...: helo poh! [hello]

Me: Hi

0939...: kaw poh ba c nikay? [are you nikay?]

Me: Nope, wrong number

0939...: cnu poh u? are u boy or girl? [who are you? are you a boy or a girl?]

0939...: bat di ka na txt? [why aren't you texting?]

Me: I'm a hermaphrodite. I wasn't vsure how to answer

0939...: ganun,pwde ba taung maging txtmate? u speak in tagalog? [is that right? could we be text mates?]

Me: Um. You better find you nikay

0939...: no nikay is my frnd,so can u be my frnd 2? [no, nikay is my friend. so can you be my friend too?]

Me: no

0939...: why? i tnk u r a gay! right? [why? i think you're gay, right?]

Me: What do you have against gay ppl?

0939...: bcoz 4 me,they are monster,like u [because for me, they are monsters, like you]

I didn't reply after that. How dare he call me a monster.

looking back, I realize that I'm a butt. oh well.

Presidential Forum

2010-02-04T08:21:00.003Z

After another night at EGI a couple of us GnW staffers went to get breakfast. I decided to drop my bag off at the office first, but when we walked through the plaza we came upon the line.

"Is this line for the Presidential Forum?" my friend asked.

It was, and it was a long time. Stretching from Yuchengco all the way to ZaiDe. (around 70 meters) If you think about it, it's probably not that bad of a line. What's shocking is that it was 9AM and the forum started at 2PM. The doors weren't suppposed to open till 1030AM.

My friends and I waited in line (let me point out that the line was narrow, as in we lined up by twos). We ate breakfast, played a game of chess, and I read my book. It was a long wait, and by 11 o'clock we were begging for the doors to open. Well, the doors opened. And when we looked up we start 70 meters of groups of people. The lined widened into barkadas and blocks. There was no chance we could get in, we thought. And we didn't.

We abadoned the line around 1130AM and found another venue where they were showing the broadcast live. My hopes of seeing the candidates in person crumbled as I sat down on a bench. the one constellation we had was lunch. (the people who got in - those who lined up at 8AM - didn't have lunch) The problem we had at our new venue was the audio and video weren't working. (this is at the college of computer science) So when the forum started we abadoned Gocks and made our way back up to EGI where we watched the whole thing online.

Terrible day. (the forum was in straight tagalog too -- no hope of understanding it)

After the forum we went back to school to pick up our forum stubs (proof that we watched the forum). And after a few minutes of just bumming around, the candidates came down to the lobby. Yayyyy

We took pictures and shook hands with the candidates (we mobbed them actually). I can't express how much that bettered my day.

But I got to say, Gibo has doughy hands. All the candidates look like claymation characters up close. Creeps me out.

Presidential Forum

2010-01-27T03:28:00.003Z

The Presidential Youth Forum will be held this Friday. I'm actually looking forward to it (mainly so I can say "I saw the future president of the Philippines in person"). On the other hand, I'm a bit nervous that my current views (biases) of the presidential candidates will be changed. I was already wooed to root for Gibo Teodoro the other day when I received a baller band from one of his supporters. What if I turn my back on my candidate?

I'm pretty much set on voting for Richard "Dick" Gordon this coming election, with the only basis being his credentials. But what if he's not what we need right now? What if our country needs someone more charismatic? Nahhh... Gordon deserves to win, though I know for a fact that he won't. In all the polls that have gone around, Gordon receives less than a percentage of the votes.

Anyrate, I really do look forward to this forum. I hope that whoever wins this coming May will do this country some good . . . And nominate me as a Supreme Court Justice!

Blunders

2010-01-23T10:35:00.003Z

Currently sitting at the GnW computer. The Campus Journal Awards is ending, the only thing left is the distribution of certificates.

"Hey L. Could you help make the certificates? You just have to type in the participants' name and print it afterwards."

Simple task if you do it right. But from past experiences, I don't always do the right thing. To my credit, I did what they told me to do: I typed and printed the names of the participants who were on the list -- all 100 of 'em (it only set me back 840php). The problem is that I used the wrong certificate format. It all looked to same to me -- Recognition, Participation -- what's the difference? What really matters is the correct spelling of the participants' name. How was I to know that the Certificate of Recognition was actually to recognize the winners. We're probably better off giving them certificates of Excellence.

Which is what we did.

O Boring Nights

2010-01-21T18:50:00.003Z

When I returned to the Philippines earlier this month I had my computer taken away from me by one of Asus's service representatives. The large crack that had formed on the rear hinge of my laptop was a design flaw, and under Asus's 2-year global warranty, they were obliged to replace the casing of my laptop. We'll call you after 4-5 working days, they said. They escorted me out and I was as happy as any customer would be when given free service.

After 4-5 working days I failed to receive a call. I came back and demanded for my computer, but they apologetically inform me that Asus currently did not have the parts. It'll take 3-4 weeks, they said. I was upset that they hadn't told me this information before, but given the situation I couldn't do anything but walk away in defeat and wait another 2-3 weeks.

During this time I sit at home with absolutely nothing to do.

I generally finish school at six in the evening. It takes an hour to commute home. From seven onwards I do the following things: eat, shower, read, clean my room, and play guitar (also, I recently started "working out"). I realized that this routine takes three hours of my day, which means by 9:30PM I'm in bed wondering why my evenings seem so short.

I can't do my homework because assignments are sent through email, I can't do research because journals are now found online. And surprisingly, I'm beginning to feel like textbooks are obsolete.

What I'm trying to say is that . . . I dunno . . . I should learn how to cook.

Note: I had my cable disconnected last December, so no TV

Books I've Read in 2009

2009-12-31T02:53:00.005Z

In 2008 I made a new years resolution to read 24 books that year – that’s two books a month, one book every other week. I ended up reading 26 by November. I’m a proud man. Sadly, I had nine other resolutions and only accomplished two.

Here are the book I’ve read in no particular order. Title in bold are book I loved. Titles in italics are books I tend to recommend to other people. Titles in asterisk* are short stories that I consider to be books. Titles in double asterisks** are books I reread.

· Lost in a Good Book by Jasper Fforde

· Something Rotten by Jasper Fforde

· The Well of Lost Plots Jasper Fforde

· First Among Sequels by Jasper Fforde

· The Yiddish Policemen's Union** by Michael Chabon

· Desperaux** by Kate Dicamillo

· Dreams from my Father by Barack Obama

· The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini

· The Shack** by William P. Young

· Rumors of Another World: What on Earth are we Missing? by Philip Yancey

· Angels and Demons by Dan Brown

· The 7 Habits of Effective People by Stephen R. Covey

· The Tender Bar** by J. R. Moehringer

· May Day* by F. Scott Fitzgerald

· The Great Gatsby** by F. Scott Fitzgerald

· The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri

· The Unaccustomed Earth by Jhumpa Lahiri

· The Book Thief by Markus Zusak

· Fragile Things by Neil Gaiman

· Fireseeds from Korea to the World by Nils Witmer Becker

· Twilight by you-know-who (Stephanie Meyer)

· New Moon by Stephanie Meyer

· All The Pretty Horses by Cormac McCarthy

· The Road by Cormac McCarthy

· Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro

· Griffin and Sabine (book 2 and 3) by Nick Bantock

books i've started but never finished

· The Appeal

· On the Road

· One Hundred Years of Solitude

· The Brief but Wonderous Life of Oscar

· The Last Tycoon

Thicker than Water

2009-12-11T16:13:00.001Z

I spent the previous evening with relatives whom I have never met before.

Apart from the awkward moments where I was lost in translation (Fukien), I had a lot of fun. The night started when my cousin sent me a message on facebook letting me know that, “Hey, I’m in Manila. Give me call. I’m on Sun, here’s my number.” (Not verbatim) The next day we meet at a relative’s house in Torre Lorenzo where I’m introduced to 2^nd cousins D. and V., also students of DLSU. D. then calls L., our 3^rd cousin to come and join us for dinner. So we take the Ford Lynx to the Korean Village where we dine on ox tongue and Korean delicacies (I separated the two because they’re not the same).

This is when we finally settle how we’re related. We drew a family tree on the back of a placemat and apparently, my tai-tai-ma (great great grandmother) had five or seven sons during the Chinese revolutions (K., correct me if I’m wrong), but two moved to the Philippines and attempted to start a shipping business in Catbalogan. My great grandfather’s brother had his family which is how I’m related to L. Then my great grandfather begot 14 children, 7 sons and 7 daughters. My grandfather was the eldest of these sons, and begot 4 sons, my father being the eldest while my cousins, W., is the son of the 2^nd son. Thus that’s how we’re related. My second cousins are part of the 14 children, and that’s how I’m related to them.

You’ll have to read that five times or more to comprehend it, but that’s exactly how I felt that evening. It was like a whole other world opened up revealing a long lost, estranged brother. But in my case, it wasn’t a brother but a whole clan. I knew of the existence of distant relatives, but the fact that everyone seems to know everyone else makes me feel like I’m missing out. It gives perspective to who I am and where I came from.

I’ve been to family reunions before (not the huge ones consisting of 200+ people) and I’ve been introduced to different relatives with a short explanation telling me how I’m related to them, but those are easily forgotten. So I didn’t think twice about it. But after meeting people my age who are so well networked with our family, I feel ashamed.

My cousin W. came back to visit relatives and to vacation. He ended up going to different provinces in the Philippines just to say hi to this relatives or that one. Me, I find it hard just to visit a relative who lives in the same city.

Maybe this is part of growing up.

On the other hand, my mother’s side of the family . . .

Insults

2009-11-29T14:19:00.002Z

At a proclamation rally of Villar in Tondo, Senator Miriam-Defensor Santiago officially endorses the presidential candidate Manny Villar.

"Santiago spent most of her speech criticizing the rich, whom she said were not actually good in English.
'Hindi marunong mag-English [They don't know how to speak english]...Their IQ's are very low,' she said." --Inquirer

I would challenge her remark, but my IQ is very low.

Smile!

2009-09-07T12:08:00.003+01:00

I have four pictures of myself next to my laptop.

1) 1x1 ID photo

2) photocopy of my soon-to-expire license

3) renewed license

4) expired alien's resident certificate.

I'm a handsome dude.

[This is what happens when someone forces me to blog.]

T-Shirts

2009-06-04T15:03:00.002+01:00

Because everyone deserves to have a t-shirt with THE LAO's face on it.

I'm aware that:
1) I'm awfully vain
2) That picture is not very flattering
3) I have the coolest ideas in the world

Kryptonite

2009-05-21T17:51:00.002+01:00

Today I woke up, switched on the telly, and flipped back and forth between the American Idol Finale and the Magic/Cavaliers game. And I'm pretty sure I jinxed the two sides I was rooting for. My morning was spoiled when I received a text from Mark To with the news that the Cavaliers lost by 1 point (I shouldn't have worn my Lebron James shirt today), then June told me about the American Idol upset.

I'm glad I didn't place any bets or today would be rather lousy. The only consolation I got was that the Yankees won their 8th straight game.

In other news, I now have the coolest guitar ever (apparently, its named Pilate... not Bertha) I've been thinking about drawing on my guitar since I duct taped it, but my brain juice dried out. Fortunately, I was inspired by my brother's Comic Book collection; I just finished reading Hush, Kingdom Come, A Long Halloween, and The Dark Knight Returns, so the obvious thing to stick on my guitar was a super hero (very obvious to my high school friends). But who do I want on the face of my guitar? Batman? Superman? Captain America? I chose Superman because he's the ultimate "good guy" (though in some of his stories, being absolutely good can be a fault). So after much deliberation, I coaxed a kind soul into vandalizing my guitar. And dude, it turned out better than I expected. Here's a free taste.

[Click on the image to see notes.]

So, thanks you Eandra Po for the artwork. Its a master piece that'll be stuck on my guitar for eternity.

Grace Youth Camp: Supersize Me

2009-05-18T15:03:00.006+01:00

[People pictures can be found on my multiply.]

I really don't feel like typing anything now. Here are some pictures from Tayabas, Quezon.

Erratic

2009-05-06T17:28:00.001+01:00

This summer I finally finished reading a book I started last December. When I first picked up Rumors (of another world) by Philip Yancey, I failed to appreciate his style of writing. I kept looking out the plane window as I anticipated my arrival in Taiwan. Consequently, I didn't get pass page 24 -- for five months. (I actually left my copy in Taiwan thinking I'd never see it again -- but miraculously it found its way back into my hands by means of loving parents)

But right now I don't feel like critiquing Rumors of another world. My initial intention of blogging was to rant about how the ink on receipts fade over time -- so after six months how can you prove you paid for the bigmac you ate when your proof-of-purchase faded into a clean white sheet of paper?

But I couldn't jump right into that. So I wrote about my love for books (I attempted to start this blog by writing "I read and occasionaly abanbon books," but I couldn't get pass the first sentence.) And from my love of books, I jumped to something else like . . .

Quirky, flat things I use as bookmarks (which include, but are not limited to, the falling:)

-receipts from fast food restaurants
-cash (dalawampung piso)
-starbucks business cards
-short stories about selfish puppies
-loose paper containing words I need to look up next time I'm near a dictionary (or quotes)
-cebu pacific boarding passes
-la salle gate passes
-mcdonald coupons

But I couldn't organize my thoughts into something understandable and follow-able. So that's why you're reading what you're reading right now. I'm guessing that right now, you are scratching your head, confused and annoyed that I just wasted 5 minutes of your time because of my inability to organize my thoughts into something comprehendable.

Conclusion: Irregular blogging will throw you off your game.

After four years I'm back on the ice (and I didn't fall!!!)

2009-05-05T15:02:00.000+01:00

[Taken from my high school blog. Dated January 1, 2005, entitled: ]

stitches...

where i got them: went up to taipei on thursday (for fun) with joe cothran, vix, and luke foley. and if i may skip the boring waiting parts, the story will be a lot shorter. okay, so i'm in taipei with gardner mitsu ray travis vix luke joe cothran. vix wanted to go ice skating so we go. we get there we go skating for 40 minutes. then something happened (but i don't remember anything). a few seconds later i find myself with a banging headache on the specator area with some person telling me to put a gauze on my bleeding head. if only i had gotten a picture. so everyone was all panicky and there i am sitting with the biggest migrain that i've ever had in my entire life. they take me to the hospital and i wait half an hour before the doctor actually comes (we made the wrong turn to the emergency room.. haha.. not really). gave me a shot to numb my head. and gave me four stitches. you can count them if you want but that's what i heard. so i'm all stitched up and we leave. vix joe cothran gardner and i go to gardner's house and i rest on his couch while joe cothran and gardner play it out on the nintendo 64. eat dinner then we leave. there's more to the story but i'm not in the writing mood right now. but for now....

here are some fun scenarios of where i got 'em stitches

1. yeah, so we get to taipei early in the morning and i was getting a little "too close" to vicky. dont know how, but gardner suspects something's happening between me and vix (but nothing will... ever) so he tries to pick a fight with me at the mrt station. i agreed cause you all know i'm not a wuss plus i'd never turn down a fight with a big guy. so he slaps me like a girl. i smack him in the stomach. we start going at it then out of no where he takes out his brass knuckles and takes me out. yeah, good thing they were flat ones. but he just had to hit me in the right temple. so i was out and they took me to the hospital. yup, so gardner won the girl. she was impressed with his masculinity. HA

2. a bullet fell out of the sky and it hit me on the head.

3. i fell walking down fifth avenue and hit my head on a misplaced rock.

4. vix smacked me with her knitting needles and accidentally scratched me with the end.

5. joe cothran used his long finger nails and tried flicking off a mosquitoe that was on my right temple.

6. i went to the doctor in taipei. he wanted to make some money, cut me open and stitched me back up. woohoo, money!

7. i was thinking too hard and something popped in my head. blood started pouring down the side of my head. and i passed out and woke up with stitches on the side of my head.

8. china invaded. some guy shot a... forget the term. but he shot and missed. i was collateral damage.

9. i wanted stitches cause they're cool.

10. luke said facial scars impress girls.

[So my grammar sucks -- sue me]

I'm Fine

2009-04-16T15:33:00.003+01:00

On Tuesday I took my second and third final exam. On Tuesday my brain felt like an inflated balloon. On Tuesday I started getting minor headaches. On Tuesday I lost my appetite. On Tuesday I got all feverish. On Tuesday I slept through 3/4 of the day. I contracted Dengue on a Tuesday.

Okay, I didn't, but that entire day felt like mush. I returned home at 6pm and hit the mattresses, putting off desperately needed studying for my next exam. I didn't care.

Then. I woke up at the lovely hour of 2am with the wonderful realization that my fever had subsided. And, which is more, I was functioning properly, meaning in the 2 precious hours I was awake that morning, I was able to get my stuff together. I went back to sleep and at 6:30am I walked out the door and headed for school.

My plan was simple: take the exam and run back home. Well, I only finished half of my plan. Midway to school I got light-headed. And this light-headedness turned into nausea. And this nausea led to my almost passing out on the train. What I really needed to do was vomit -- but you can't really do that on the train. So the whole 2 minutes between stations I was praying to God to at least let me get off the train before I embarrassed myself in public. Fortunately, I have a good God who granted me that one request. I jumped off the train and with what little, blurred vision I had, I stumbled my way into the restroom.

And after that little episode I knew I couldn't take my exam. So I skipped to Part B of my plan and ran back home.

I took a quick nap and after an hours rest I called my guardian who came back to the house and drove me to St. Luke's hospital. At the hospital they took the usually tests.

My temperature was normal (fever gone). My blood pressure was 70/100. My blood sugar was 80mg (normal is 70-100). I had no viral bacteria or whatever in my blood. My sodium and potassium levels are insignificant (which just means to say I'm properly hydrated). My platelet count - which helps indicates whether or not you've got Dengue - was 152,000. Which is still normal, but low. The safe range is 150,000-400,000. And just to be sure, they wanted me to return and get another CBC to make sure my platelet count rises.

So why did I blog about this? Well, for one it makes for a nice story -- but I've have like, 3 things I want to say about this whole experience.

1) Hospital fees suck if you don't have insurance. Here are the fees that were written on my Statement of Account.

Pathology Institute

complete blood count: 455.00
sodium & potassium: 780.00

Emergency Room

CBG/Blood Monitoring: 550.00
Disposable Cap/Pc: 8.00
Genius Disp. Probe Covers: 22.00
E.R. Fee: 910.00
Arcoxia 120mg Tab: 129.00

For a grand total of P2,284.00.

Honestly, I don't think St. Lukes really helped. Fortunately, they were nice enough to give me a discount -- though I have no idea what it's attributed to (0006108 less: 20% discount). So I paid P2,283.00.

I took another CBC test this morning and it cost a whopping P150.00 pesos. Maybe it was the air-conditioning I paid for. Anyway, I feel ripped off.

2) Solutions
It's funny how people try to solve the problem of Dengue (if a mild case of dengue was what I had): vaccines, herbs, hydration techniques, rest. What ever happened to attacking the problem at its core? Namely, MOSQUITOES! I think that's the real threat to mankind: bloodsuckers.

That night I went home and turned on my Baygon liquid mosquito killer (which smells like flowers) and waited for the mosquitoes to drop and die like they do in the commercials. Well, the mosquitoes don't die. I had to do it myself. Out of the dark corners of my room mosquitoes started popping out, one-by-one. I think my big hands are a blessing from God, because I was able to slap SEVEN mosquitoes out of the air. Well, my point is Baygon products don't work -- so don't buy anything made by them.

If the government wanted to solve the Dengue, they should invest in lazer-gun technology that will, quite literally, zap the mosquitoes out of the sky. That kind of technology would solve a lot more problems than a pill ever could.

3) Once you have a baby you officially become a mothering mother... to everyone.

Grace Christian Church Fam-Con: Ilocos

2009-04-11T11:49:00.007+01:00

The conference took place at Fort Ilocania Resort. They say they built this resort for one of Marco's daughter's wedding. Everything about it is beautiful.

After an 8 hour bus ride, we had breakfast at the Java Hotel. Some of the young professionals who joined the conference.

FIR had a mini zoo.

Saw a Helmeted Guinea Fowl Benggala. These guys actually came from Africa. I remember last last Christmas when Paul tried running over one of these in his Jeep -- it's impossible.

Took my DSLR into the pool. Bad move -- everyone started chasing me.

Windmills. They say one of those things cost One-Eight-Oh Million Pesos!

One of the games we played at night. Image a cross between Charades and Picture Perfect.

My three little friends.

Flower pic for all my flowery peeps.

Shoot, I forget what cathedral this is called. But an architect major was able to explain to me the butt-rests on building's sides. (hahaha, kidding!)

Went to a real zoo.

Didn't see any "do not feed the animal" signs.

Nor were there any "do not touch the animals" signs.

But watch out, these things bite!

Went to a pot factory. heehee

And visited a street with old fashioned houses. If you've been to Macau, it's like their Portuguese streets.

Bell Tower

Night shot.

Benson hya. Official Photographer.

Thank you Kat for the zoom lens. Can you see the bunny on the moon?

Rob and Jen's Wedding!

2009-03-29T17:23:00.007+01:00

Here are a few photos from Ahia Rob and Achi Jen's wedding. It was Spectacular! Gorgeous! Lovely! hahaha.

Congratulation Ahia Rob and Achi Jen!!!

Doulos

2009-03-22T15:18:00.020Z

That aint the Doulos. That's the Melville, the shipped parked behind the Doulos. But it makes for a great picture.

Ahia Spencer, achi Catherine, achi Eleanor, and I went to the Doulas at 4pm, Sunday afternoon. Big mistake. The line went all the way down the pier, and zig zagged like a scribble at the end of the picture. It was insane -- sooo many people.

You know there are too many people when you recognize people in the sea of faces. Saw Divine's gang and Cathleen's family. Cat's family left because there were too many people. Fortunately for me, Spencer and Eleanor knew people on the boat, so we got to cut (which I feel guilty about.) It was like one of those club scenes where the bouncer only let's in the VIPs. We were special.

Think that was the fire station.

Notice how they're going up the main entrance and the place I where I'm standing is on a different level.

Welcome home who-ever-you-are. (Anna with an H.)

Forget his name, but he was the Bouncer. He's from the Netherlands and he makes funny faces. And he's 18.

TAIWAN! TAIWAN!!! TAIWAN!!!!

The Engine Room. Bam Bam!

This guy looks like Samuel Tan, Rev. Stephen's brother. Ya think?

The gang minus Spencer. Left to right: Me, Ellie, Jina, Cat, Ilona, Benjamin, and Joshua. We rock.

They've got a trampoline in their cabin!

After the tour, 830pm. Cat's not feeling too well.. Sea sick?

From the outside -- without the long line of people.

Good bye Doulos. See you again in two years.

Where in the World Is Lao?

2009-03-19T10:59:00.000Z

So I've disappeared from the world the past two weeks. And I've received a lot of "dude, where have you been?" minus the dude part. Anyway, my parents, sister, brother-in-law, and 6-month old niece arrived two weeks ago and I've abandoned my routines to match up with their crazy schedule. Below is pretty much a picture story of where I've been.

My family visited relatives on my mother's side of the family -- they travelled to Bauan, Batangas for my grandmother's 80th birthday. She had a party at her church and it was packed. I didn't get a picture, but this one was taken on the way there. The moon was huge, and sadly this picture does not do it justice.

The next week we travelled to Samar to visit my father's side of the family. The first thing we did after we hopped off the plane at Tacloban Airport was go visit the giant McArthur and his comrades. This is where the United States made their return during World War II.

My uncle had a cat at his house. He looked like two-face. He's awesome.

My brother-in-law, Paul, and my Ate, Katrina.

My father with his binoculars and Paul with his mega zooooooom zoom lens.

My grandmother owns this pier, and we just dropped by to check things out and to visit some old friends.

Whenever we go to Catbalogan (where my grandmother and uncle lives) we go to this spring. It's comes out of the mountain and it's freeeeeezing cold. I didn't swim in it.

My super photogenic cousin, Isabel.

Relatives. Hehe.. My grandmother on the right just turned 83.

We are dead serious. Peace.

Their reaction to "Anna's walking!" (the emoting game)

Question: How many people can you fit on a tricycle?

Anna's adorable. All smiles.

The beautiful sunset from the roof of my grandmother's house.

While everyone else was at class on Tuesday, I was bumming around under the sun at the beach.

Family picture. This is the only picture I got where Anna isn't pouting.

Six digits in Anna's mouth -- impressive!

She sucks on everything.

Mzungu drinking coconut milk.

Tacloban has one of the prettiest man-made structures in the Philippines. The place is called Rafael's Farm and it's absolutely gorgeous.

Everything about it, including the surrounding mountains.

And the wall-less structures where you can dine for breakfast, lunch or dinner.

Mango Turon!

Chocolate Cake!

Mango Shake!

And a little lake to top it all off.

Hmm.. I didn't get in as many people pictures as I had hoped. Oh well. At least now you know that I'm not dead.

Kind of Pretty . . .

2009-03-17T09:33:00.000Z

360 degrees in Catbalogan

2009-03-14T11:20:00.000Z

I look straight ahead and see my father's shorts hang inside out on a clothes line, next to three towels and someone's white underpants. Beyond that I see still black waters, and beyond that the balcony lights of a lonely house extended on the waters. To my right I hear a dog bark, three barks a second at the decibel level of an angry car horn. Behind me my mother and father are fast asleep behind closed doors. And to my left is the comfort room whose exhaust fan I just switched off. And up above me head, above the roof that shades me, are billions of dimly lit stars whose existence tell me that I am small and everything around me is small, compared to the expanse of God's creation. It's also telling me it's late and I need to go to bed.

5 Pictures

2009-03-09T09:32:00.000Z

I used to do this on my old blog: the following are five random pictures that I took, with a short explanation following each of them. enjoi,

The above picture was drawn by Xine who looks beyond appearances and see me as . . . a salivating blob. Yeah, that's what I am: hungry.

My neighbors got a new puppy. This little guy is the cutest and shyest pup I've seen. I saw him in the courtyard of my house and followed him with my camera. You can hear him squealing as he fled. Obvious he gravitated towards a corner, there I trapped him and took this picture. He looks so cuddly.

So here they are: my ate Katrina and my niece Anna. Words can't quite express my feeling right now. Let's move on.

It's Christmas! My sister brought me books from the states: sequels to the Thursday Next series. I've read the first two books, The Eyre Affaire and Lost in a Good Book, books both Bix and McCoskey recommended to me. But then I couldn't find the rest of the series. They didn't have them at the library and they were super expensive, so I asked my sister to get me the next two/three books. Unfortunately, she ordered the books a bit late and only two of them came . . . books four and five. Meaning I can't read them. Hehehe.. Anyways, I flipped open one of the books and came to the title page -- someone had written on it! The nerve! But then it quickly hit me, it's Jasper Fforde's signature! My sister paid $3 bucks for a signed edition of the book. Sweet deal =) Of course I wanted to double-check whether it was authetic or if it was forged, so I looked it up online. I think it's real -- check it out ==> http://www.jasperfforde.com/moniker.html

Last picture is of my new baby. My TAYLOR!!! I remember a time in high school when I played the electric guitar for chapel and afterwards the middle school chaplain asked me what chords I was playing for a certain song, I couldn't remember so she allowed me to play on her guitar -- her Taylor. Later that day I told my friend that I got to play on her guitar and he got all jealous. Yeah, Taylors is what Audis are to cars.

Just a thought . . .

2009-03-08T11:27:00.000Z

How has God's love manifested itself in your life today?